Cover Letter to Space Agency - I wish to work in this industry

Hi evrybody,
I tried to write a cover letter for a young trainee opportunity, but English is not my mother tong and I'd like having your comments.

Any advices or correction are welcome.

Thanks in advance.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I have the pleasure to write this letter to express my intent to join the Young Graduate Trainee at XXXX, in the field of flight dynamics. I recently completed, in October, my master's degree in Aeronautics and Space engineering at XXXX University. Through my research and professional training, I have acquired knowledge and skills particularly related to Fluid Mechanics, Solid Mechanics and Thermal but my interest has shifted to space domain, in particular with space mechanics course.

That is why I chose to participate in three months project, which had to aim the definition of the stabilization wheel features for the nano-satellite XXX lead by my school in partnership with the Astrophysics Laboratory of XXXX. In order to realize this project, we (with two others students) wrote and computed, using quaternions, the dynamic equations of satellite on its orbit, and equations of disturbance torque models (drag, gradient of gravity, magnetic torque, solar radiations). Finally, we were able to show disturbance torques effects on satellite behaviors, and also to display its motion on orbit using VTS (Visualization Tools for Space Data). Working with other people towards a common goal is something I enjoyed a lot and believe is a great advantage in many cases.

I chose to continue in this way by entering at the XXXX for my final internship. I was in charge of finding a model able to reproduce the Ariane 5 ME propellant behaviors during its ballistic phase. Therefore I created software reproducing launcher behavior on its orbit, disturbing by propellants motion. I tried different models (pendulum, spring-mass) to fit with expected propellant and launcher motion. Finally, this model was presented to XXXX, in charge of the pilot, which has accepted it to follow its study.

I whish work in space industry, in an international and multi cultural environment, and hope that my experiences will suite perfectly with your expectations. Being afforded the opportunity to intern with a prestigious firm such as XXXX, would be a great asset to me and an invaluable experience. I can be available at your convenience for an interview or to answer any questions. Attached please find my CV for your review and consideration along with my contact information.

Thanks so much for your consideration. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards,

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Guet, your cover letter should only serve as an introduction and overview of the credentials and documents that you have submitted for consideration as a graduate trainee. It should not read like a common essay narrative detailing your education, work experience, grades, etc. You should not rehash the information that can be better analyzed by the reader upon further consideration of your credentials. That said, the proper cover letter for this type of application should include the following:

1. The reason you are interested in working with the organization and an assurance that you academic and work experience makes you a viable candidate for the trainee position.

2. Detail the early foundation of your interest in the field of work you are applying for. Explain your need to learn about the field in a more involved and hands-on basis.

3. Share your relevant work experience and your duties and responsibilities in this position. Highlight any notable work achievements they should note in your application screening.

4. Use bullet points to list down your important work skills and employee traits.
5. Explain how this internship will best serve your future employment plans.
6. Explain why working for them will be your dream job.

I see that you have touched on some of these topics in your letter but you have not properly developed the paragraphs and have overlooked some important parts. If you are willing to revise the essay to cover the above suggestions, I believe the letter will become better and more effective :-)

Hi,
Thank you for your response vangiespen.
Your comments are really helpful.
I know my letter is too technical and doesn't explain enough my motivation.

I'm working on it...