Impressed by her enthusiastic manner; Recommendation written by teacher

I'm a student applying for colleges in USA, and my English Teacher wrote a recommendation for me. She wrote it in another language, however, since English is our second language, so I had to translate it into English . My teacher was not sure whether it was properly translated, and she wanted me to find help from others. I hope someone can help me with the gramma& logical problems in it!! Thnx a lot!! BTW, I cannot change the original meaning of my teacher, right? So just grammar mistakes!

PART OF THE RECOMMENDATION GOES AS FOLLOWS:

I have also discovered her to be passionate and perseverant in extracurricular activities. Impressed by her enthusiastic manner, I chose her as the hostess of the First English Speaking Contest of our school, and Miss XX proved to be the best for this work. Her fluent speaking and witty manner, gained by constant practice and improvements, enabled her to perform well as the hostess. And I appreciate it very much that though it was the first time she tried to take such a job, she was able to manage it perfectly. In the past high school years, she has enthusiastically taken part in many other students activities, such as the School English Drama Festival, the Student's Company Activity, etc, which has also seen her versatility by serving quite a few positions.

mikowoo
"which has also seen her versatility by serving quite a few positions"
sounds somewhat strange.

I have also discovered her to be passionate and persevering in extracurricular activities.


Impressed by her enthusiastic manner, I chose her to host the First English Speaking Contest at our school and Miss XX performed wonderfully. (I know that I changed the words a little there, but I think that the original intent is intact).


Her fluent speaking gained by constant practice enabled her to perform her duties as host in a witty manner.


Even though it was the first time she attempted such a job, she managed it perfectly.


Throughout high school, she has enthusiastically participated in many student activities such as the English Drama Festival and the Students' Company Activity which have showcased her versatility.

People in the US are not going to know what a "Students' Company Activity" is. It sounds rather vague and slightly scary. Is there another way to word it?

I wouldn't worry about your teacher's English too much. The schools will be judging you and not your teacher. Some of the little language quirks are kind of endearing.

Thanks a lot..
The Students' Company is a company run by our schoolmates, and we sell something among students such as second-hand books and notes.. Ok, maybe I should call it a program.. but the company is licensed.

Anyway.. Thank you so much! :)

Your first sentence has the word "also," which suggests that something has been said before. This doesn't make sense. Remove the "also" unless this is a later paragraph and there is something above it. Also, it is normal to say the name of the person before using pronouns such as "her."

Simone is right. You did say that this was part of your teacher's letter. You could post the whole letter here to see if it flows the way it needs to.


I see. How about something like this: Throughout high school, she has enthusiastically participated in many student activities from the English Drama Festival to the Students' Company Activity, a student-run store, which have showcased her versatility.

Ok.. actually this is the second paragraph of the recommendation. Thank u anyway.
Well, that is nice, the "student-run store". Thanks a lot.