Recommendation Letter for MFin at MIT

Hello everyone, I'm preparing the application for the Master in Finance at MIT. I contacted one of my professors for a letter of recommendation, and he advised me to draft a preliminary version on my own, which we'll then review together. I would greatly appreciate it if you could take a look at it and provide me with some suggestions. Thank you in advance

To Whom It May Concern,

Subject: Academic Reference for xyz
I am writing to endorse Andrea's application to the Master in Finance program at MIT.

As his professor for the Investment Risk Management course, at Catholic University of Milan, I have known him for one year and had the privilege of closely interacting with him. I have been immediately impressed by his acumen for the complexities of the financial markets and his consistent ability to find effective solutions.

The course encompassed a thorough and multifaceted examination of financial markets, portfolio theory, and the securities valuation. Despite his exceptional ability to absorb and process highly complex theoretical concepts, he always harbors the desire to connect these theories with real-world applications, aiming to give substance and direction to his studies He is a student with an insatiable desire for learning, fully aware of the hurdles he must overcome to accomplish his aspirations and prepared to tackle them with optimism and proactive determination.

What sets Andrea apart from other students is not just his academic excellence but also his proactive approach to learning. One aspect that particularly stood out was his unwavering interest in pursuing a career in hedge funds. As a former CEO at an investment fund, I had the opportunity of offering guidance and mentorship to Andrea. On numerous occasions, Andrea took the initiative to engage in post-lecture discussions, seeking insight and advice on his career aspirations and I was always impressed by his profound understanding of the nuances of such realm.

I firmly believe that Andrea possesses the intellectual rigor, dedication, and drive necessary to excel in the Master in Finance program at MIT. I have no doubt that he will be a standout candidate who will contribute significantly to your esteemed institution and the finance industry at large.

Should you require any further details, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

The letter has an almost generic feel to it that makes it very lackluster in terms of recommending you. The professor you have chosen for the recommendation has a tunnel vision conception of who you are. The reviewer will be looking for a recommendation that can represent your abilities beyond the academics. The persona presented should show an observation of how you work with a group in an academic or, even better, a professional setting. The professional setting is actually more important since you should have at least 2 years work experience in the field prior to a masters application. I believe, it would be better if you get a recommendation from your immediate supervisor or team leader rather than your previous college professor. The way you would be able to present a more appropriate personal and professional image for the reviewer's consideration.