Reference letter for a post grad Telecomms research degree

Hey,

I was wondering if anyone could suggest modifications to this example reference letter for a post graduate research position in Telecoms/IT.

(things in curly brackets are variable to me)

"To whom it may concern,

I'm writing this reference at the request of {my name} who is applying for a sponsored PhD research program at {name of Univeristy applying to} (Ref num: {reference number}).

I've known {my name} since {year}, when he did his Masters degree at {old university}. I was his supervisor for his dissertation ({dissertation title}) and his lecturer for one of his modules ({module title}). Unlike other students, he not only has commercial and working life experience but also the academic skills from his education background. His enthusiasm and dedication to both his dissertation and to my module was outstanding, and I highly recommend him for your research program.

Based upon my observations, {my name} is intelligent, diligent and energetic in his work and I am confident that he would be an asset to both the research team and to the University as a whole.

If you require any further information or any more questions regarding {my name}, then please feel free to contact me via email at {referees email address}.

Best Regards,

{referees name}"

Any suggestions would be gratefully recieved.

GrntMnk

I'm writing this reference at the request of {John Doe} who is applying for a sponsored PhD research program at {name of Univeristy applying to} (Ref num: {reference number}).

I have known {John} since {year}. I supervised his dissertation ({dissertation title}) and lectured for one of his modules, ({module title}). {John} is unique in that he offers commercial and working-life <you could also say he offers real-world experience from...< experience combined with the precision of thought that his academic career has engendered. His enthusiasm and dedication to both his dissertation and to my module was outstanding, and I highly recommend him for your research program.

Based upon my observations, {Mr. So and so} is intelligent, diligent and energetic in his work, and I am confident that he would be an asset to both the research team and to the University as a whole.

If you require any further information or any more questions regarding {my name}, then please feel free to contact me via email at {referees email address}.

Notice your name starts as a full name (to establish your identity), goes to your first name only (shows fondness and familiarity) and ends with the Professor calling you by a title to show his or her new-found respect for you (Mr. so and so or Dr. so and so, whatever...) I use this tool in any reference I give because it helps to show a time line of growth, i.e.:

"Beverly Brennen came to us as a temporary employee in March, 2008. Since then, Beverly has shown outstanding ability, leadership, and work ethic far surpassing that of her peers. I would recommend Ms. Brennen for Medical Proficiency School at the earliest opportunity." Just a made-up example...

Good luck! I hope this helps.

Blue skies! Jeannie

Jeannie,

You're a letter writing genius! :)
I find formal expression very hard to produce, as I'm more of a 'down to earth' kind of chap. Hope all is well.

Red sky at night, Sheperds delight! GrntMnk X

Gee, thanks! :D
Blue skies!
Jeannie

I never got that saying...why was the red sky so delightful to the shepherds? But red skies are pretty anyway...

psst<good thing he didn't discover I work in a gas station. Whew!