I have to write an email to all the employees to announce the office renovation plan.

the concept of "Art Gallery"

Dear all,
We are excited to announce that the ABC Office is going to be renovated, it is considered as a big remodel after 7 years working here. With the concept "Art Gallery", a well thought out office renovation can turn our existing office into a comfortable working environment that brings more beautiful, creative and unique for us.

The starting date for the construction work is 23 Nov until December 2019
We need your cooperation in the preparation and also the construction time.
- Every member will clean their work desk and make sure their personal necessities as well as the essential work things are in your personal locker. We will add your name in your personal locker and your chair because it might be moved while constructing.

- After this announcement, we will work details with all teams to make sure areas are cleaned to start the construction as scheduled.
Thank you for your concern and your cooperation. I hope that we will welcome a new year 2020 with a beautiful office.

Hey SoulPanCake,
Congrats for the new office in 2020.That is a really well draftred email with to do points.

This is a business letter. Therefore, it must use all formal and professional forms of address. It is incorrect to address a formal letter as "Dear all". It may be addressed "To all concerned" or "To our valued staff and employees", but never "dear all'. It shows that the writer does not know the rudiments of professional letter or email writing and will definitely be a negative mark on his GRA score.

Information as provided only require statement / paragraph presentations. These information do not require bullet points as these are not extensive and notable. These are explanatory information which was misrepresented in the letter. As such, it does not really achieve the purpose of sharing such information. This was the writer's way of not making an effort to properly write the memo in English.

As this is more of a memo than a professional letter, owing to how it contains internal information for sharing, the letter has not followed the correct presentation format. The writer should know the difference between a formal letter and an internal memo, which is what this presentation should have been presented as.