6,142 Feet - a poem of less than 8 lines that "best represents me"

I've never written in a poem in my entire life!

For my NYU application I have to write a poem of less than 8 lines that "best represents me". Please let me know what you think!

6,142 Feet

The ascent begins, trekking over mossy ground,
Like a small child in a museum, among the trees
Scattered twigs snap beneath determined strides
The summit looms ahead, inviting but so far
Determination burns along with tired legs
Overcoming taxing boulders, and pressing on
The final ledge surpassed, I breathe in the view
The destination is reached and mountain conquered.

i think the language is interesting, and i like the structure of the poem.
however, i think the idea of achieving a goal and the metaphor of conquering a mountain are going to be pretty common responses.
if you are looking to stand out, i would choose a more original subject, but otherwise, good work :)

Hello i liked your poem but i think you should re do it and use other words with the same meaning but your poem looks very nice

Carlos can you elaborate on that?

"I have reached my destination, achieved my goal and conquered."

put something like

I have achieved my goal, reached the top.

something like that.. in my country i use to compete in poetry contests and the point is to make a poem meaningful but at the same time not long my advice is to put the important words but make the verse shorter

hope it helps

"So close and yet so far away" is a cliche. You need to show more than tell. You're on the right track, but I would use a different metaphor.

The language is definitely "poetic" in a way but I would go for a rhythm. Read your poetry out-loud and rearrange words and change words from multisyllabic to monosyllabic ones to see if you can reach a rhythm that characterizes the uniqueness of your poem.

I like how your poem doesn't rhyme. Excessive rhyming can get boring very quickly.

Thanks for the input, I edited out a lot of words. What do you think?

it is a nice poem but i dont feel it presenting yyou .is more of a an experirence you've gone through .if you are not looking for deeper meaning then ,is nic to read