Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Poetry   % width Posts: 2


'green leaves fall down on the street' - My Poem on a rainy day!


getitlow 7 / 17  
Dec 9, 2008   #1
green leaves fall down on the street
a voice drops : slight and gentle
the wind stirred up a scintilla of dust scent
gray clouds and hurried bird filled the sky
people, with frowns in their face, wrinkled
rushed through the crowded street
then came the rain
tears of sky patter down the plain road
Hanoi rain, intense and lonesome
teardrops sang a gloomy melody
noone to welcome, noone to hear but little ones
touched and smelled the eschewed rain
streets are the only homes
little boys and girls, soaking wet
dance the blissful melodies
in the rain
...

I have just come up with this poem in a rainy day and I want to convey my emotion through it ! How do you think of it ? and would you mind giving me some additional changes if necessary to it ? thanks so much in advance !
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2008   #2
This is very surreal, a nice experience comes from reading it. Try the new organization of the last lines, and see if you like it (below). Keep writing, you seem to know how to access that place where good writing comes from.

green leaves fall down on the street
a voice drops : slight and gentle
the wind stirred up a scintilla of dust scent
gray clouds and hurried bird filled the sky
people, with frowns in their face, wrinkled
rushed through the crowded street
then came the rain
tears of sky patter down the plain road
Hanoi rain, intense and lonesome
teardrops sang a gloomy melody
no one to welcome, no one to hear but little ones
touched and smelled the eschewed rain
streets are the only homes
little boys and girls,
soaking wet
dance the blissful melodies in the rain


Home / Poetry / 'green leaves fall down on the street' - My Poem on a rainy day!
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳