poet adedara 1 / - Dec 9, 2010 #1We lived,our belongings rest their bosom.ours is black,snow thy brain,thy talent rest beneath the grave. Our endowments pine of egocentric autocratic ruffians. We requite purge tyrant for surfiet shrinking national gory. Our sage peevish with shackles.They came,exploited and went. Leaving rotten meat with microwave their land. They press homewards with key belonging us. How doors do open? By serving or strength? Why preferring former to latter? Why room for interim intelligence to infirm own fixed inbuilt gift nature bestowed? Let's forbear their feign and stunt now. Blacks,our time rouse!
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12 Dec 12, 2010 #2We lived, our belongings rest their bosom. ours is black, snow thy brain, thy talent rests beneath the grave.---don't forget to leave a space after commas and periods.Our endowments pine of ---should this word be 'for'?We requite purge tyrant for surfiet shrinking national gory.---I'm not sure of your meaning, but as 'requite' means to reward or avenge, it doesn't seem like 'purge' belongs there ... also, should 'gory' be 'glory'?Our sage, peevish with shackles.---I like this a lot.They press homewards with 'a' or 'the' key belonging to us.You are a very interesting poet, keep it up! Good luck in school and have fun.
