Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight".

Hi folks,

I am an amateur poet with limited vocabulary and a pinch of imagination. with whatever resources I have got, I try costructing poems sometimes. With the thought of improvising my poems, I hereby post my poem here. Kindly review it and provide your precious suggestions for improvization.

----- * My Flight * -----

Life, oh life!
surprise me with whatever you have got in store.
As you know me well,
I am not the one who is likely to abhor.

For I peddle the present to venture the future,
on a path unknown.
Wandering aimlessly in whatever way I want,
I know not, my own.

Life, oh life!
what else have you got to depress me more.
As you know me well,
I am hardening myself each day, to the core.

For I pity not the situation that I am in, today
coz of my erred past.
While the unknown waters of darkness engulfing me,
I am miserably lost.

Life, dear life!
have you not got the heart to forgive my sin.
you may not know,
the pain of the repentence through which I have been.

for I ask not, the joy or contentment to fill my heart,
but just the light.
to identify the path which I had left a long time ago,
and to take there, my flight.

Hello Kamal

This is a nice poem =)

You have good structure, too


Maybe you can take "the" out of there.

While the unknown waters of darkness engulf me


I just wanted to check if you meant "pedal" instead, since you are talking about moving a along a path. "Peddle" is really interesting, though. In case you didn't mean "peddle," maybe you should keep it anyway, it is a really awesome idea


I really like that phrase ^^ This is a cool poem, you should definitely keep writing!

I know not, my own.

I am hardening myself each day, to the core.

For I pity not the situation that I am in, today

for I ask not, the joy or contentment to fill my heart

and to take there, my flight.

I think, you don't need commas in these sentences.

Start a word in a line with a capital letter.

Beautiful! I liked it!

"Poetry is the art of saying what you mean but disguising it." Diane Wakoski (Just read that, coincidentally)
Now I understand poetry. I think English classes should just start with that observation, it makes figuring out what the teacher wants you to do with the oddly arranged words on your desk easier

Thank you Yayz and Azeri for your help and for your suggestions.
@Yayz: I really did think it as pedal, but ended up writing it as peddle. It was a spelling mistake. Coincidentally peddle did manage to gel in the line written. ( thanks to you that I got to identify it).

and your second reply did help me understanding what people think of poetry.

@Azeri: I wanted to know if we can start the new line with capital letter when the previous line ended with a comma.

Thnak you.

Hi, Kamal


I want to answer with an example. As you see, in this poem the poet capitalized each word at the beginning of the new line regardless of commas at the end of the previous line.

Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end,
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.

Shakespeare: Sonnet 60


Great words! For me, a poem resembles an iseberg. People guess of what is underneath the surface based on what is above.

There are no rules in poetry. Some people do not use any capitalization. I know what you mean, though... seems weird to capitalize the first word if it is a continuation of the previous sentence. Personally, I like to write poetry in the form of a paragraph and let the reader figure it out.

Your poem is great! Very fresh and insightful.
surprise me with whatever you have got in store. --- I think the rhythm is better with no 'got'

Wandering Cycling aimlessly in whatever way I want,---- cycling would continue that bicycle pedaling theme, and it also has another meaning: the cyclical nature of life.

This is cool... I like 'pedaling to the present'

for I ask not for joy or contentment to fill my heart,

@Azeri,

Thank you for providing an example of Shakespeare's Sonnet for my doubt. Its been a long time looking into poems. It is very refreshing to look at such great poems of the greatest poets quoted and also to look at others' poem and feel the poems. Thanks to this Forum again.

@Kevin,

Thank you clarifying my doubt of capitalization. Good to see such a highly talented people helping novice, students and all alike in their clarifications and providing suggestions for improvement.

After going thru your suggestions, it appeared that 2nd line looked more rhythmic without the word 'got'. And wrt to pedaling, it appeared peddle too gels well and I liked that way once Yayz pointed out.

'for I ask not for joy or contentment to fill my heart'.
Here in this statement, the usage of 'for' was just for continuation of the structure.

Thanks for suggesting the improvements.

@ All,

I wanted to know if I can continue posting my other poems in the same thread when written or can I create new thread. Kindly help me..

Thanks again.

You can create a new thread, after you provide at least 2 comments on other members' posts.

Yes, it's as Azeri said. Give some ideas to other writers by clicking on UNANSWERED and just talk with them about the essays. You do not have to make corrections. Just tell about what was confusing, what was powerful, etc. Give ideas.

Then you'll see an option to open a NEW THREAD.