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"untouched from pain" - Poem for NYU


markoni1 1 / -  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
I'm not really sure how to do this thing, so I was wondering if you guys can check out what I came up with so far:

I am untouched from pain
like a bird in an Oak
born through love
I become a dove,
the symbol of peace
ginny2345 12 / 22  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
Not Bad, jst have a few corrections

I am untouched fromby pain
like a bird in an Oak Tree
B orn through love
I become a dove,( i dont really get this part)...maybe you should chage this
the symbol of peace

i love the whole concept though!
goodluck
kkrulez3001 4 / 6  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
I am untouched from pain by pain
like a bird in an Oak
born through love
I become a dove, a little cliched?
the symbol of peace

instead of free verse, which is a little harder to do, why dont you try the limmerick or haiku? i went the route of the haiku.

can you please check out my carnegie mellon and nyu supps? thanks!
fuschiafleur - / 9  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
it sounds a little weak and fluffy but I love the bird in the oak tree part, but when you go into the dove and love it's like meehh...it's just not as strong as the beginning

and why are you untouched by pain? It makes you sound wierd...everybody feels pain


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