Addressing an issue in my country with my degree choice

help me review this;

Q: we want to ensure that your studies at the university of edinburgh benefit you and your community in the future. tell us how your choice of degree will empower you to pursue a career that addresses any issues in your country.

degree for self and community benefits

In Nigeria women are generally underrepresented in technology-related jobs, especially in technical positions and at leadership levels. Little or no efforts have been made to resolve this issue as most people don't even consider it as an issue at all. I hope with a degree and a career in the IT field I will be able to balance the male to female ratio in the tech industry up to a considerate level.

My career choice requires a high level of technical and innovative skills. A degree in electronics and computer science will help me learn a lot of things relevant to my career such as the basics of security, vulnerabilities and cryptography and the development of my programming, strong data structures and algorithm skills. This will go a long way in helping me to be efficient and indispensable in the IT field.

After completing my degree in electronics and computer science I plan on pursuing a career as an IT consultant. I intend to gain work experience and contacts for a couple of years after which I will move on to start my own firm.

As an employer of labor I hope to address the issue of female underrepresentation in technology related jobs. I plan on increasing the number of female technologists in the IT sector by placing diversity at the heart of my recruitment and retention activities. For women with little or no knowledge in tech, I will organize on-the-job training to facilitate learning and acquisition of innovative skills.

Ameh, paragraph 2 is actually irrelevant to the prompt question. Your paragraphs 1, 3, and 4 are actually more appropriate as a response to the question. What you should do is further expand on the explanation regarding how your training in this field will help you enhance and highlight the participation of women in the workplace or STEM field in your country. You should give the female employment issue a strong presentation in a stand alone paragraph. After that, the idea of training women on the job should be further discussed as well as part of your response to the community benefit prompt. You have the beginnings of a strong response here. You just need to strengthen the two discussion topics I pointed out in order to prove that your degree will not only empower you within your career, but that it also has community benefits / participation potential as well.