Nuclear Power Research Paper Help

So i have this research paper for AP Lang. I met all the basic requirements, but need help polishing the essay. The teacher is really strict and wants a good balance of simple, compound, complex, cp-cx sentences. Also wants varied transitions, etc...

Basically, there does not need to be much content change, but a lot of stylistic change to make it flow, and have varied structure

The essay is currently 5 pages, so i'll just share a link:

"There is still concern over nuclear power causing cancer... --This sentence on the second page has a type. You included the word "there" one too many times, I think.

It's very good writing, though! However, we generally do not comment on essays posted on external websites, so this is just a one-time message ;).

The intro is very strong! And you did a good job by immediately mentioning Fukushima, because that is what EVERY reader thinks of when they begin to read this essay! BUT that thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph is weak.

You must think the sentence at the end of the first paragraph is to "state the main idea," which IS correct, but there is something more. You should make the thesis statement a microcosm of the whole essay. It has to be inspired, insightful, unique. Do not just say nuclear energy is safe and viable; give a sentence that expresses the insight that will make the reader really GET IT... the sentence that will make the reader completely reconsider her ideas.

:-)

Thanks for the help. I'll remember to attach the essay here next time.

Thanks for the feedback on the intro. I wrote it before my body paragraphs and just stuck a basic thesis statement in there. I'll probably refine it after my body paragraphs next time