Politics: The Destructor Of Relationships
We all have different points of view, it is in our freedom to have them and to share them. Nonetheless, when we get too political about our differences, we can go in a dark path that can ultimately destroy any type of relationship that we may have with someone else. There is a saying in my family, "keep ball and politics off the dinner table," for I have a family that is greatly divided with favorite sports teams and political parties. Over the past few elections, I have learned one thing, "keep it to yourself!" Either at the dinner table, a party, work or social media, it is best to sometimes just stay quiet. Although I am at freedom to share my opinions, I have sometimes felt intimidated to do so, for those who disagree with me, end up getting very upset and defensive about my political viewpoints.
I am not trying to make the statement that personal points of view on politics should never be shared, but that we should learn with whom, when, where and how much we share with those around us. Political conversations can become more dangerous than speaking about someone's mother. We all have witnessed how violent people can get when defending their political parties in the course of the past couple of years. Although we are greatly encouraged to speak to one another and to have civil discussions about our differences, politics has become a topic which can go wrong in a split second, creating unrepairable damage to our relationships.
The effects of involving politics in relationships is a topic that has been studied by professionals. Political science is a term with which most of us are accustomed to, but the growing branch of political psychology has been working hard to figure out how we vote, why we vote, and who we vote for, and the effects politics has on societies. Kirsten Weir wrote the article "Politics Is Personal" for the American Psychological Association in which she researches this topic. One of Weir's sources was Howard Lavine, PhD, director of the Center for the Study of Political Psychology. Dr. Lavine states "party identification is a monster that is creating intense divisions." Dr. Lavine was making reference to recent studies that show that a greater percentage of families disagree with their kids marrying someone from a different political party. Research done by the Public Religion Research Institute (PRRI), shows that 45% of Democrats and 35% of Republicans would be unhappy if their children married someone from the opposite political party. In 1960, it was estimated that 4% of Democrats and 4% of Republicans would be unhappy for inter-political marriages. Political psychologist John Jost, PhD, co-director of the Center for Social and Political Behavior at NYU blames media for such political divide, stating that "they're making money by energizing polarized audiences. If we look back, parents would have issues with race, color, religion and country of origin, that their children would potentially marry into, but although we have steadily been able to close the gaps on those differences, political views have been the greatest divisor in our day and age.
Theresa DiDonato, PhD, wrote the article "Do Your Politics Affect Who You Love?" for Psychology Today. DiDonato interviews a number of people on both sides of the political spectrum, whose love lives have been affected by politics in recent years. Political views usually are not important when choosing a partner, but Pew Research (2014) shows that people look for partners who they can identify politically. That same research done by Pew Research in Political Polarization In The American Public shows that 92% of Republicans have gone far right and 94% of Democrats have gone far left, the biggest gap in political views in the American public in history. In addition, a new study from Yale University (Hersh & Ghitza, 2016) shows that it is more common to see younger generations with different political views in a relationship than older generations, although 70% of surveyed share same political affiliations with their partners. Nicole Pajer wrote another article involving love life and politics, "Can Love Survive This Election?" featured in The New York Times. Pajer found that dating websites have had to include political views on their profiles because up to 80% of its users have requested people of same political views. Before it was about looks, personality, economical stability, but now, dating revolves on one major issue: politics.
Not only have partners seen a strain in their relationships, but families as a whole. Susan Adcox writes for Verywell Family and in her article "Don't Let Politics Wreck Your Family," Adcox puts out great advice on how to have civil conversations regarding politics. Primordially, Adcox suggests considering a moratorium on political discussions, yet if families decide to conduct such conversations, her five steps should be considered to have these discussions. The first step would be to be open minded and be willing to listen to ideas different to ones. Step two is to use humor wisely, for making jokes about certain topics could be disrespectful to others. Step three is to stay calm, never lose your cool when talking about topics you disagree with. Step four, control your body language, for invading someone's space can be extremely hostile. Step five, know how to exit the conversation with comments like "you have given me a lot to think about, maybe we can continue our conversation at another time.
Friendships have also struggled with political divide. Melanie Green reminds us of two great people with great disagreements, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia. Despite of their differences, Justice Ginsburg and Justice Scalia considered themselves "great buddies". Green wrote the article "Why Can't We Be Friends?" for UB Now in which she pinpoints the two key features to today's divide; social media and morality. In addition, she comments on recent Pew study showing that 40% of registered voters, do not have friends who support different political parties. Social media has unsocialized our society, because whatever is put out there can easily be put out of context and one can never relay the full complexity of one's views. Morality has become a great divisor as well, for each party has determined to identify itself as conservative or liberal, leaving no room in between or common ground to work with each other.
In Tovia Smith's article "Dude, I'm Done': When Politics Tears Families And Friendships Apart" for NPR, she attacks the main point of division: radicalization of politics. Just like Green mentions that political parties have identified themselves as conservative or liberal, Smith calls out this problem of radicalization in our political views. People who are Republican demonize Democrats for being liberal-baby killers and Democrats demonize Republicans for being racist homophobes. This extreme polarization of political views is what can ultimately destroy any type of relationship.
To further understand, I conducted research of my own. I used social media to conduct a survey with a series of questions that had very good feedback. The first question asked was "has politics damaged any type of your personal relationships recently?" Although I was hoping for other results, 89% (368 out of 412) answered yes. Not only have I witnessed some of these relationships being damaged, but I have also seen the extent of the damage. Social media has been a method in which people share freely about their opinions, disregarding that it may be offensive to some of their friends, being that things can be misinterpreted. The second question asked was "do you consider political views essential when choosing who you call friends?" 78% , 279 out of 356, answered yes. The third question from the survey conducted was "has political arguments affected relationships in your immediate household, if so, with whom? a. Parents; b. Siblings; c. Partner/Significant other." 193 out of 258, 75%, answered yes. 109, 42%, answered siblings; 63, 24%, answered parents; 57, 22%, answered partner/significant other; 29 did not make a selection. The fourth question was "if you had the ability to turn back time, would you avoid political discussions with friends and family to avoid your relationships being damaged?" 91%, 205 out of 226, answered yes. The last question was an open question stating: "How did you feel about these questions and is there any comments you would like to add?" Although there was not much participation, I did get good answers from some of the people. Carmen Cardiel stated "I don't know why you are asking about politics, its done, lets move on." I followed up and explained that I was doing some research for a class, and that is why I had put out the questions. She then responded "politics have done a lot of damage already.... we need to learn how to see past them." Jackie C stated: "the election was rigged." When I followed up I asked her: how did the rigged election create division among her relationships? She answered saying "Biden got away with it by diving our country and killing the future generations." Although her answer did not make sense in fullness, I didn't want to keep asking questions that would lead us two to get into a discussion. Octavio Godoy answered "political discussions have gotten away with stealing the best of us, our close friends and family members. What we need to realize is that no politician will care to come and piece together the broken pieces, we need to look out for each other and our loved ones, regardless of who you vote for." Mr. Godoy has been involved in church ministry for many years, therefore I decided to follow up and get his point of view. After explaining the nature of the survey, I asked what he thought to be the problem with political arguments. He answered stating that "the real problem is how divided we have become. We have stopped putting ourselves in other peoples' shoes. It has become about what "I" want and need, and not what is good for everyone in general." Mr. Godoy also added that "radicalizing politics, just like faith, can be extremely dangerous, for it has caused the greatest divisions human kind has seen."
In addition, I completed some observations that gave more light to this topic. In my neighborhood, there are two front neighbors with different political views. Previous to the election, they each had flags of their political candidate of preference, Trump and Biden. As the election grew closer, new flags arose, with statements such as "Dump Trump" or "F-Biden". I could tell by their new flags that things were getting steamy between them. Larry Bowen, another neighbor, says that they got into a bad argument, almost violent. After the election, the Trump supporters took down their flags and the Biden supporters followed a couple weeks later. Last week, the house that was a trump supporter, went up for sale. Mr. Bowen stated that the family said they could not live where there were anti american families.
Politics has had an expensive price tag in our relationships: division. Division is what brings down communities, families, countries as a whole. What outcome do we expect when we divide ourselves from the rest by only believing in what we want to believe in and not listening to everyone around us? What good is it to only socialize with those who are like minded? When we stop listening to each other is when we can expect the worst to come. I have personally lived through these types of divisions in my lifetime, from divisions in the family, workplace and ministry, for I am once again witnessing it in the nation which I love. This is not the fault of a political party, they both have their flaws. Altogether, it is our fault as citizens that have found a specific political party or leader to be the nations savior when, in reality, each and every single one of us is. Correspondently, we are also at fault for its flaws, for we turn a blind eye if something does not affect us.
In conclusion, the main purpose of this paper is to make the reader aware of the biggest issue, not finding common ground and not being able to listen to the other person. Communication is imperative for the survival of our society, and if we lose our ability to communicate with those who disagree with us, we might run the risk of loosing everything. Politics, though important, should not be the vessel that directs and governs over our friendships, families and love life, for politicians come and go. Altogether, governments can end from one day to another, yet the people that surround us are irreplaceable.
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