Lino Ellis
Adam Korman
ENG102
Sustaining Romantic Relationships
Fulfillment through romantic relationships is a common theme throughout all of human history. As social creatures, it is only natural that people seek out camaraderie among peers, and companionship on a deeper level. Much like anything else in life, however, the idealized form of romance often does not exist, and there are stressors that can make being in a romantic relationship difficult. In order to be in a more fulfilling romantic relationship, it is important that it is understood how these types of relationships are formed, what it takes to maintain them, as well as examining common struggles and hardships that couples face, and what it takes to overcome them.
Before beginning the discussion of sustaining a romantic relationship, it is important that the concept of love is understood, and how these types of relationships are formed. Love, in the simplest of terms, can be defined as a deep affection for someone or something. Love means different things to different people, so passionate and compassionate love will be focused on here, as they have more defined terms. Passionate Love is defined as an emotionally charged engagement between two people, and it is what binds people together during the initial stages of a relationship. When people are selecting partners, people tend to seek out other people who are like them, have similar values, and are encountered on a somewhat regular basis. These factors are known as self-identity, similarity, and proximity. Compassionate love is what is felt when two people's lives become interdependent, and is a more stable form of passionate love (University of Minnesota).
There are three main areas that describe a romantic relationship from beginning, to middle, to end. The first part is the coming together stage, where attraction is initiated upon, and where passionate love rules. This is where two people begin to learn about each other beyond attraction, and where mental, physical, and emotional attraction intensify. The next part is the relational maintenance stage, where the two people begin to integrate each other into their lives, and where a sense of interdependence is felt. This stage is where passionate love starts to wane, and where compassionate love rules. Lasty is the coming apart stage, which begins to signify the end of a relationship. Here the sense of interdependence is lost, as one or both parties in the relationship begin to seek an identity outside of the relationship, and soon begin to avoid each other or keep from communicating about certain topics (Indiana State University). Eventually, the relationship is terminated.
In order to avoid the termination of a relationship, it is important that people do what they can to remain in the relational maintenance stage. Bonding is an important aspect of this, as it represents the point in a relationship where the couple see each other as a permanent fixture in their lives, and make decisions for the future. Bonding can also mean having shared hobbies or experiences that create a stronger sense of unity. Differentiating can represent the beginning of the end of a relationship, but it is an important part of maintaining a romantic relationship. This is because it is important that those in a relationship have a sense of self identity outside of the relationship (University of Minnesota).
As stated previously, every couple faces struggles and hardships. Sometimes people come into a relationship facing their own struggles. Oftentimes, childhood trauma, as well as trauma experienced later on in adulthood, can make forming and maintaining relationships a challenge. This is because those who have experienced these types of trauma have high levels of self-criticism, and overall dissatisfaction with themselves (Bırni). Dating apps also circumscribe some key aspects of meeting and dating. They tend to match people based almost solely on attraction, without leaving much room for identifying markers of similarity, and leaving no room for proximity. Smartphone use and other forms of social media can also cause stress within a relationship, with some couples reporting that they feel bothered by the way their partner interacts with people on social media, or by how much time they spend on their phone (Vogels). Societal expectations of how romantic relationships should be are also a common stressor. Vargas argues that commitment and monogamy, which are common expectations, do not need to be followed in order to have a meaningful romantic relationship. In other words, different things work for different people, and that there needs to be a varied approach to every relationship (Vargas).
If a couple seeks to repair a relationship, counseling and therapy are common steps that are taken individualized approaches are commonly taken with each couple, as everyone's situation is different. Many couples, especially men in a relationship, sometimes avoid this due to certain stigmas attached to this approach (Spiker). Even though tech can cause some problems in relationships, it has been reported that some people use social media as a way to vent and seek advice, which can be calming and helpful (Vogels). It is also important that couples are on the same page about the status of the relationship, as differing opinions on the status of a relationship can also be a source of stress (Adamczyk). Sometimes, though, it is important to realize when there is no hope in repairing a relationship. Differentiation leads further into circumscribing, and then avoidance, and ultimately, termination. Acceptance of this can lead to less heartfelt break ups.
It is of utmost importance that people are stable and developed enough as a single person before entering into a relationship. This is so people can have a partner, rather than having someone to rely on and depend on to make them happy. Despite this, people should always strive to be better, and a couple that has each other's back, can do better.
Works Cited