Can you guys look over this essay for a scholarship please!!! I will respond to yours as well.
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The Bill of Rights was originally not created for me. It was not created for my family either. The Bill of Rights was created by a group of men who wanted a democratic America, but they failed to include my people. In fact it took more than two centuries, a proclamation, and an amendment before my people were freed. Even then we fought hard to fit society's mold.
However, that was in a different time. Society, people, and principles have changed in the last decade. I need the Bill of Rights so I can chant my support of gay marriage and speak out against the government shutdown. If the police feel the need to search me without a warrant the Bill of Rights says, "unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated."
If I am accused of a petty crime I am granted the right to a speedy trial and witnesses to prove my innocence. And if I am asked questions that I feel uncomfortable answering I will gladly say, "I plead the fifth." The Bill of Rights covers our basic rights and protects us from government invasion in our personal lives. My junior year in my AP U.S History class I finally began to grasp the importance the Bill of Rights plays in our everyday lives. For the time it was written for it I'm sure citizens breathed a sigh of relief that their opinions and personal lives were protected.
For my time, I am more than grateful for this 300 year-old document. I can state my personal opinions and share them with others without consequences. If I encounter trouble with the law I can prove my case. The Bill of Rights was not created with me in mind, but its powerful words and protection will be coveted in my heart and soul.
Okay, your idea is alright, but you have some errors. The main one is the lack of personal writing; you need to add more of your thoughts because this essay is primarily about YOU not the Bill of Rights. That's only the mode through which you are supposed to express yourself.
Also:
"ForDuring the time it was written,for it I'm sure citizens breathed a sigh of relief thatbecause their opinions and personal lives were protected by the law ."
It sounds better this way.
REVISED VERSION! PLEASE READ OVER!!
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I don't have personal liberties. Despite my democratic upbringing in America, my parental guidance has tied me strict principles and totalitarian ruling. I have the pleasure of being a student by day, employee by afternoon, and maid by night. Sure, I am able to form my own ideas, choose my own clothing, and speak about whatever I please, but I don't feel like a real citizen. However, like the founding fathers I am ready for rebellion and freedom.
I know to not expect the romanticized depiction of college that I see on T.V but it is a place where I will have full reign to express my ideas. I will be able to explore my interest in art, history, writing, and genetics more freely. Not only will I have the ability to feed my personal interest, but I will be exposed to new ways of thinking.
The Bill of Rights was originally not created for me. It was not created for my family either. The Bill of Rights was created by a group of men who wanted a democratic America, but they failed to include my people. In fact it took more than two centuries, a proclamation, and an amendment before my people were freed. However, once I am no longer home-bound the 300 year old document will guarantee the protection of my life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
