I need assistance correcting my response to the prompt what has most influenced me for the future

What has most influenced your professional or career aspirations for the future?

Every time I see a pilot risk their life by helping people get to their destination, I cannot help but feel inspired. I look up to them and many of the times thank them for their service. In doing so, I show my appreciation for their work. Their work motivates me to pursue a career in the field of aviation. Another thing that indulges my interest for aviation is the beauty of flight. Flying is a magical experience that has the power to transform every child's dream into a reality. For this reason, I consider myself to be passion driven

Hi, bryan1996. Here is some corrections.

... risk their life by helping people get toto reach their destination...
I look up tonotice them and manymost of the timesthank them forI appreciate their service. InBy doing so, I show my appreciation forrespect to their work.

Another thingreason that indulges draws my interest ...

For this reason, I consider myself to be passion-driven

Hallo brayan, hope my comments will help you.. :)

Every time I see a pilot riskRISKING their lifeLIVESby helpingTO HELP people...
I cannot help but feelFEELING inspired. I look up toADMIRE them and many of the times thank themTHANKED for their serviceS . In doing soTHEREFORE , I show my appreciation for their work . Their workS motivates me to pursue a career in the field of aviation AVIATION SECTOR.

... indulges my interest forON aviation is the beauty of flight.
... experience that has the power to transform ...

Brayan, when you discuss the inspiration you derive from pilots and the service that they offer the people, you need to explain how their life risking work has influenced your decision to become a pilot. The reason that you have for looking up to them is still unclear in your essay. You need to be more specific about how these pilots inspired you to go into a aviation career. You need to create a highlight for this essay in order to make it more interesting for the reviewers.

What is the magic that flight holds for you? Explain how you imagine that magic and how it helps inspire you to become a pilot. Why do you see pilots as selfless people? Describe how you actually show your appreciation for their work. I have a suspicion that you have a highly limited work count for this response from the way that you developed your statement. Please don't think about that now. Just write a good essay, regardless of word count. Make it really informative and inspiring in nature. Try to make the content as impressive and memorable as you can without lying or exaggerating. We can always cut down the word count later on :-)