Caretaking experience has inspired me to pursue Nursing - SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY.

Hello everyone! I have always struggled with English classes so I appreciate other pairs of eyes to spot my errors! Thank you so much! :) I am an adult returning student. First time applying for scholarships. Intimidated. But here it goes! - This is due on Friday. If anyone happens to see this before then, I would appreciate the help! Still going to use it for other applications going forward this year. So I appreciate any suggestions or feedback. Thank you for your help!! :)

Here are the requirements of this essay.

This is a "personal statement" essay.

The requirements are min. of 250 words. (It's double that) and to answer several questions.

Please tell us about:
* Your interest in your program or major.
* How ___ (my college) has impacted your life.
* Your personal and professional goals and/ or achievements
* Any community service and/ or ___ (my school's) organizations you've been involved with.

This essay is my story of who I am, my experiences taking care of those I love, and how that has inspired me to pursue a degree in the healthcare field as a Registered Nurse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop. Experiences throughout my life with ill and disabled family members have shaped me into who I am today. It has inspired and motivated me to work in the medical field and make a difference in people's lives.

As a girl I witnessed the long term effects of surgery and radiation treatments as my father battled throat cancer. For years he endured fatigue, a pureed diet and speech therapy until he recovered. My family has taught me the value of commitment and long term care of an ill loved one.

As a young adult I moved in with my grandmother to help as her Alzheimer's progressed. Looking back at my childhood experiences with her, she was an inspiration to me. I am proud that she was a Certified Nurse Assistant. I grew up hoping that I too, could someday help others and improve lives.

As an adult, I cared for a loved one who is a disabled veteran on and off for nine years. My life experiences as a caretaker have strengthened me to be able to do more and help others in a positive and healthy way.

Now that my parents are senior citizens and my mother is living with Multiple Myeloma (a form of bone marrow cancer), I am more motivated than ever to work in the healthcare field.

My long-term goals are to earn an Associate's Degree in Nursing and obtain a career as a Registered Nurse. I am interested in working in oncology, pediatrics or elder care.

After being out of school for almost a decade, I came back to ------- in fall 2011. Despite having a learning disability and working full time, I earned a Phlebotomy Technician degree. Through hard work and determination, I shattered my fears that I "couldn't do it" and graduated in 2012 with high honors! My family and I are very proud that I am the first in our family to graduate college.

After graduating, I took additional EKG classes in summer and fall 2012 to upgrade my degree to "Healthcare Technician Certificate". I will graduate with this certificate in May.

In February I was honored to join ------'s chapter of ------ Honor Society. I've participated in two bake sale fundraisers for our Hurricane Sandy Relief trip to New York.

Being new to community service, I look forward to getting involved! I am currently looking into volunteer opportunities available at ---- hospice, ----- and local elder services.

I will be taking prerequisite classes this year in preparation for ------'s 2014 nursing program. I can not thank ------ enough for all the support that has made my success possible. I can't wait to someday begin this new chapter of my life as a Registered Nurse to make a difference in patients' lives.

In a story called "The Starfish Thrower" by Loren Eiseley, a young man picks up starfish on the beach and throws them into the ocean, to save them from dying. An old wise man approaches him and tells him that there are many miles of starfish and that, "You can't possibly make a difference!" The young man bends down and gently throws another starfish into the ocean and replies, "It made a difference for that one."

It has inspired and motivated me to work in the medical field and make a difference in the lives of people around me.


This experience taught me the value of caring for the sick with unshaken commitment.

I feel you need to combine these paras into one. Otherwise, your response looks a bit scattered.

You said "experiences" So it's They have


try My mother was diagnosed with a form of bone marrow caner, Multiple Myeloma.


To graduate from college


After graduation

Good luck!

Thank you so much, Dumi and Di10Di!!

These are great corrections! I really appreciate it! I'm sorry I have been sick this week and have not come in to see these and respond as quickly as I wanted to. I will make the notes and correct the errors you suggested.

I was looking through and underlined each instance of incorrect grammar you mentioned. And made the notes. I agree with these corrections you made. This helps me so much! Sometimes we really need another pair of eyes to see things we miss!

Thank you! :D,
SecondChapter99
<3

Writing essay for scholarship I won last year. How do I answer same questions??

I need some help on how to start my Scholarship Essay. I am a previous winner and I don't know what they expect to hear to update them in the new scholarship application essay. I have tried looking everywhere, and all I find are scholarship essays of previous winners to help us write one. Not anything that shows you what they want you to write if you are a previous winner (last year), for this same scholarship application this year.

I wrote one last year for this same scholarship and I won! This took me a lot of work and the essay really does answer all of their questions. But my question is, how do I write the essay, if I am applying this year also? I know that they do follow students that win, and they want an update. I feel that my previous essay answers all of their questions. And even though I know they want an update to what is new, I am still pursuing the same major, and there is nothing new to update other than I am continuing on my studies and I am continuing to be successful. I am excited and look forward to getting into the Nursing program. I can paste my previous essay if that is necessary? I am wondering, if I didn't do community service this year, and there isn't anything new, what do I write? I can't just rehash the old one right? Sigh...

There are two essays that are required. One is for financial need. That is also the same. Why I need money is also the same reason. I have the same challenges I did last year. Can I just give the one I wrote last year?

The same goals, the only progress is I have finished my prerequisite classes, and have applied for the Nursing program. My grades are still high honors. (I just got my letter yesterday that I did not get in because of too many qualified applicants, but if there is an opening they will contact me.) I am on the waiting list. So I am still working toward these same goals.

Last year was the first year I wrote a scholarship essay. I thought this year would be easier since I learned how to write one last year. But it's the same scholarship committee. Does anyone know what they are looking for and how I should approach it? Here are the questions for the personal statement essay. They want you do give a personal statement addressing the following:

* Your interest in your program or major. - Nursing
* How (this school I am attending) has impacted your life.
* Your personal and professional goals and/ or achievements.
* Any community service and/ or organizations you've been involved with.

I already answered all of these questions in the first essay. So it's not really a different answer. And I don't have anything new to discuss to update them. Except that I tried to organize a walk for Alzheimer's and participated in that. I wasn't able to get students to join me, but I got a few coworkers. It was a good experience for me. Also my schedule between work and school hasn't given me the time to pursue the community service opportunities that I told them that I was looking into getting involved in. I am not sure how to word it in a way that will look positive.

Here is what I wrote last year:

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop.

I have always loved to help and take care of others. Experiences throughout my life with ill and disabled family members have shaped me into who I am today. They have inspired me to work in the medical field and make a difference in people's lives. My long-term goals are to earn an Associate's Degree in Nursing and obtain a career as a Registered Nurse. The nursing fields that interest me are oncology, pediatrics and elder care.

As a girl, I witnessed the long term effects of surgery and radiation treatments. My father endured fatigue, speech therapy and a pureed diet for years as he battled through throat cancer. My family has taught me the value of commitment and long term care of an ill loved one. As a young adult, I moved in with my grandmother to help as her Alzheimer's progressed. She had always been a positive role model for me. When I was younger, she had worked as a Certified Nurse Assistant. I grew up hoping that I too, could someday help others and improve lives. Later as an adult, I cared for a loved one who is a disabled veteran on and off for nine years. These life experiences as a caretaker have strengthened me to be able to do more and help others in a positive and healthy way. Now that my parents are senior citizens and my mother is living with Multiple Myeloma (a form of bone marrow cancer), I am more motivated than ever to work in the healthcare field.

After being out of school for almost a decade, I came back to ________ in fall 2011. Despite having a learning disability and working full time, I earned the Phlebotomy Technician degree. Through hard work and determination, I conquered my fears that I "couldn't do it" by graduating in 2012 with high honors! My family and I are very proud that I am the first in our family to graduate college. After graduating, I took additional EKG courses in summer and fall 2012 to upgrade my degree to "Healthcare Technician Certificate". I will graduate with this certificate in May. In February I was honored to join (our school's) Honor Society. I have participated in two bake sale fundraisers for the Hurricane Sandy Relief trip. Being new to community service, I look forward to getting involved! I am currently looking into volunteer opportunities available at__________ Hospice, ________(children's charity), and local elder services. I plan to take prerequisite courses this year in preparation for the 2014 Nursing Program. I cannot thank ____ enough for all the support that has made my success possible.

(Then I told a story that is a fable showing the importance of helping others. And how little things that seem unimportant can mean all the world to someone's life). Like _____, I believe that I too can make a difference, one patient at a time.