College experience made me open-minded & out of the box thinker; Scholarship App

Hi, i was wondering if anyone can help me with this scholarship application, Thank you

What i hope to gain from college is a positive experience that will help shape me and allow me to discover who I really am. I am hoping to gain experiences that will help me succeed in life after I leave college, but not just by preparing me for a future career. What I am really looking for as I progress through the college experience are opportunities that will help me become an open-minded, and an out-of-the-box thinker.

From my High school years, I've had to face some experiences an obstacles that required a more complex thought process to overcome. It wasn't easy for me as i have given up open myself quite a few times, but as time went on i knew that everyone makes mistakes, including me so i quickly got back on my feet and tried again. I started to jump into more challenging opportunities that came along the way. This would force me to think on many different levels in order to accomplish one or several goals. I would probably have to try several different approaches in order to reach an outcome, and I am more than willing to find those approaches. These opportunities can simply be found in the college courses or through research projects which colleges offer to the students.

I made it this far in my life with the help of many close friends and especially my parents. If it wasn't for their hard work to put me here, i wouldn't be what i am now. The biggest accomplishment i would have is being the first out of all my relatives to make it into college. It's a big step and pathway for the next generations of possibly my kids in the future.

In my opinion, the only way that people are bound to succeed in life is if they have an open mind and are willing to try new things. Those who are not willing to try new approaches to any type of problem will stay stuck in one place and will not advance much further in life. I know I will experience many obstacles throughout my college experience, but college is what you make the best of it. As long as i stay ahead of my studied and still maintaining a positive network of people, it's safe to say that all these factors will help me graduate with a positive outlook in today's workforce.

Take the chance of getting the scholarship. At first it must be heavy to live in a different situation. But as a scholar, you will be more discipline and have more responsibility than other students. Not all of students could get the opportunity to acquire the scholarship, so if you are one of those fortune people, take it.

....you said something very close to this in your previous sentence. Therefore change this a little bit to avoid it sounds like repetitive;
For me, the college experience is much beyond preparing me for my future career. It is the experience that lays the foundation for me to succeed after I leave college.

thank you, is there any more mistakes i may have?

.... ....This is what I suggest;
From my high school days, I have been facing many challenges and obstacles that demanded intelligent decisions and a strong determination to overcome those hardships.


.... I feel it is better if you tell them one such incident and discuss it to show how you overcame it. That would open a window for them to see your real personality.


.... a good point. Wish you gave a little bit more emphasis on it.

dumi

Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it