I intend to apply Endeavour Scholarship and Fellowship and it need community service essay for the applicants. can you help me out by giving your opinion about my essay? is it a strong one or a weak one? or how can i improve it?
In 2013, I took Community Service course and I was sent to Ganjarresik, a quite remote village on Sumedang for a month. I volunteered to teach English on 5th grade class at the elementary school on that village. The school was short on teachers and it only have one book for each subject, therefore the children's education were left far behind the curriculum.
The children of the class were easily distracted and played alot. Therefore, I came up to an idea to make it into a quiz. I taught them the materials that will be used, and used the last 30 minutes for the quiz. The winner won special prizes from me; snacks that they could not find in the village. This idea worked, they paid attention and became competitive on the quiz.
This has taught me that being a teacher is not an easy job. You have to be creative, flexible, and very patient. It has also taught me that it feels great when you can make people realize that learning is fun. And the best experience is when the students said that they wanted to be like me, go to college and have a good english skill so they can travel the world.
Thanks a lot!
Hello Ayankkit,
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- I volunteered to teach English on 5th grade class at the elementary school on thatin the village.
- The school was short on teachers and itthey only have one book for each subject, therefore the children's education were left far behind the curriculum.
- The children of the class were easily distracted and played alota lot .
- Therefore, I came up towith an idea to make it intohave a quiz.
- And The best experience is when the students said that they wanted to be like me, go to college and have a good english skillskills so they can travel the world.
Ayankkit, overall I can say that your essay is in the middle range, not too strong and not weak either.
I made a few corrections, I hope it helps. Since this is for a scholarship application, I suggest you elaborate and write more, it really doesn't matter if what you did was for a month, a week or so, what matters is your willingness to contribute to the welfare of the community and to the environment as a whole, remember the goal is for greater good and for an experience that will enrich your soul through selfless contribution.
Oh by the way, WELCOME TO ESSAYFORUM!!!
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
