Engineering aspirations - GKS-G personal statement

hello,
i'm applying to the 2019 gks-g program and i'm supposed to elaborate a personal statement where i answer these questions

o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.

rigorous coursework and the research opportunities in Korea

I strongly believe that you only fulfill your purpose in life, when you stop solely consuming and start creating knowledge that help ease human life. The fact that Computer science offers a large room for innovation and fast continuous growth made me choose it as my career path. The first step I took towards my goal is specializing in sciences during my years of high school as it helped broaden my mind and turned me into a more solution-oriented person. When it was time for me to choose my bachelor's major I wanted it to help me fulfill 3 sub-goals: 1-Broaden my knowledge in Computer Science 2-Learn something versatile and useful and 3-Build enough experience to be able to tackle a graduate course afterwards. That's how I chose Computer Science and Management.

It's common knowledge that South Korea is one of the leaders in the technological fields. It acquired that title not only by founding many of the biggest innovative research centers in the world that take active part in the field of fundamental and applied sciences, but also by hand selecting global talents and integrating them into the scientific fields to strengthen their patrimony and introduce a move vast diversity in the society.

This year I am going to graduate from my home university, and planning to start a new experience outside of my country. I spent much time searching, and at last I chose the GKS after reading all the articles about achievements of the KGSP alumni that made great contributions to the development of high technologies in and outside of Korea that's what made me conclude that this Program is the most suitable for me to demonstrate my full potential and meet my research expectations.

Another personal experience that helped clench my decision to choose Korea as my destination started at the beginning of my freshman year in high school, I began attending a Korean language/culture club run by a volunteering Korean family. This idea came from an innate passion for learning new things and an on-going interest in the Korean culture. I was star struck at how different it was and I appreciated the kindness and honesty of people. The instructors became my own family and I admired their politeness, their love to their country and the way they wanted to present their culture in a positive way to the people of Tunisia which have very little information about it. That's why I wanted to reciprocate the experience and introduce my country to Korean people the same way. It was such a unique opportunity, it demonstrated that Korea went beyond technological advancement and offered a perfect social and cultural atmosphere.

With the help of your program, my engineering aspirations will be realized in this culturally diverse, challenging, research-integrated environment. The rigorous coursework and the generous research opportunities in Korean universities will provide the challenge I need to achieve my goals.

Thank you in advance for any feedback

I think your essay is too wordy. You should definitely revamp some sentences. You mention how you select the computer science but I think you should be more focus on the 'why', what is your inner call which relate with your professional and academic background. You also need to elaborate more on your current study since you might have no professional experience. Wish you have the best luck.

Thank You.

Petal, the main reason that you will not qualify for this scholarship is your lack of professional reference. You indicated that you want to build up enough experience to be able to take on advanced studies. However, you have not mentioned any proof that you have the required professional relationship in relation to your educational background. In relation to this lacking information, the screener will also see that you do not have any additional information that will show how prepared you are to undertake the complicated studies and research that the graduate studies will require. Overall, the essay is built on a shaky foundation. It is not qualified for serious consideration under the GKS-G criteria.

You have focused on the 2 prompt guidelines that you are skilled enough to represent in your essay. The problem, is that there are additional discussion considerations that you have intentionally omitted from the discussion. As such, the essay will be incomplete and automatically be disqualified from consideration for the scholarship.

I feel like you talk too much about what you hope to achieve and why getting the scholarship is an important goal and that's good, but you don't mention past achievements, goals or experiences or in which way something about your personality has defined your career path.

Best of luck!