Who in your experience at Cooper High has been your biggest influence and why?

Essay
Who in your experience at Cooper high school has been your biggest influence and why?
250 words or less

As a student at Randall Cooper High school, I have grown from a freshman to a graduating senior. During these four wonderful years I have learned how to be successful in my academics. I would not be where I am today without the help of Mrs. Mosley. Mrs. Mosley has been my biology, AP biology and Anatomy teacher. Mrs. Mosley is my biggest influence because through her I was able to find my passion for science. Not only was I able to find my passion in science, Mrs. Mosley always assisted me in understanding difficult subjects, as well as motivated me to do well in my academics. Mrs. Mosley helped me improve my study skills and allowed me to use her personal science books to uphold a better understanding of subjects. Mrs. Mosley is kind and thoughtful and she is a great role model. I have decided to major in biology, and I would not have made that choice if I did not have a great teacher like Mrs.Mosley. Mrs. Mosley is my biggest influence and I am greatful that I was able to be her student at Randall Cooper High school, the lessons and skills I have learned through her will continue to benefit me in academics.

**** Could someone edit and comment on my essay? I really want to win this scholarship. Thank you! *****

As a student at Randall Cooper High school, I have grown from a freshman to a graduating senior.
Its a good start, but it is stating the obvious. If you have anything else that you need to add, you could remove this sentence to make space for more content.

During these four wonderful years I have learned how to be successful in my academics.
Excellent- this is a good point

You are very passionate about the subject of your paper- Mrs. Mosley- she sounds awesome. But you say her name so many times, 8 times I counted, which is 16 words- if you want, you could say "She" instead. Your paper needs a tiny example of how she directly helped you, you speak of her in broad terms, but it could make the paper more interesting if you add in some detail. Alltogether, you have a wonderful essay, and I wish you the best of luck in school :)

You could be a little more specific, without crossing the word limit. For example: "Mrs. Mosley helped me improve my study skills" how? what did she do that helped improve your study skills? Also, "Mrs. Mosley is kind and thoughtful and she is a great role model." Other than the fact that she was kind and thoughtful, were there any other personal traits about her that made her a great role model?