Hi,
I am applying for Chevening Scholarship. I would like to have your feedback on my below essay.
Qn: Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.
My answer
When speaking of leadership and influencing skills, there is only one person comes into my mind, my former supervisor at Tanzania Cigarette Company (TCC), Mr Mwana Mwakabonga. He has been very instrumental in equipping me with leadership skills and unleash my innovative skills. From him, I have learned the following lessons about leadership; that a leader is someone able to influence others, motivate them, mentor them, training them and get them to be good leaders too. Therefore, through him, I am proud to call myself an upcoming young leader.
By using leadership and influencing skills I have acquired, I was able to lead the team through two successful Annual and Strategic Planning cycles (A&SP). This was possible because I was able to learn quickly planning instructions and system knowledge requirements from other JTI (the mother company of TCC) markets and transfer the knowledge to the rest of the team. Being team leader in A&SP has given me a tremendous experience on how to lead a team and motivate them. In my view, one of the best ways to influence the team is to equip them with necessary skills to execute their duties.
I believe leadership skills extend beyond our professional capacity or areas to the society. In 2013, I with the other University of Dar es Salaam (UDSM) alumni formed a local club dubbed Mabibo Bullets Basketball Club (MBBC). The main goals of the club were to enhance UDSM alumni unit through sports, to assist current students in their studies, and to extend the social relationship between UDSM alumni, current students and indigenous of Mabibo area. Through MBBC, I was able to mentor students about their preparation of after university life, the right balance between sports and studies and professional life, especially in Accounting and Finance career. So far we have succeeded to attract a number of UDSM students and others who came to the University grounds for physical exercises. Moreover, most of the students who joined the club have been employed immediately after graduating.
With all these leadership skills and the desire to develop into a great leader, I believe Chevening scholarship will assist me to learn from the best and use those skills to influence my society.
Msonga, this is a very good leadership qualification essay. One of the best I have read so far. It is quite direct to the point and offers a real background regarding the development of your leadership abilities. By showing both a professional and civic aspect of your leadership skills, you have proven that your leadership traits are not limited solely to the workplace. You also know how to lead in the community. Something that the Chevening Scholarship looks for in their candidates. You embody their ideal as a future leader who will be able to help develop the community or country that you came from.
I would have liked to have heard more about the training that you received from your mentor. By sharing how you learned from Mr. Mwakabonga the reviewer will be able to assess if you are truly ready to become the kind of leader that the scholarship seeks for the future. It will also benefit your essay if, aside from describing the things you learned on the job from your mentor, you can also tell the reviewer about the other kinds of training that you received.
You mentioned a training program you underwent with your sister company. Can you expand a little on that discussion? What specifics were taught to you and how did it prove to be beneficial when you had to serve as team leader? What was the difference between your theoretical leadership knowledge and the actual application if any? Did you have any self taught or enlightening moments when something you were taught did not really apply in terms of leadership and you had to develop something on your own? I think it would be nice to read about how you also learn from your own experiences and not not just the training that you received.
Overall, the essay is already strong but with room for improvement. I hope there is some way that some of my ideas can be integrated into your essay. That is, if you are amenable to its inclusion :-) I look forward to reading your next draft, if any.
- When speaking ofTalking about leadership and influencing skills,
- there is only one person comes into myto mind,
- He has been very instrumental in equipping me withhoning my leadership skills
- training them and get them to be good leaders too.
- Therefore, through him,Backed with his influence I am proud to call myself an upcoming young leader.
- By usingIn practicing leadership and influencing skills I have acquired,
- I was able to learn quickly planning instructions quickly
- Being a team leader...
- ...employed immediately after graduatinggraduation .
- With all theseArmed with my leadership...
I hope that you get granted with this scholarship as you are not selfish and you have the passion to share your knowledge to others. Having said that, I hope the little help I made, enhance the essay further.
Dear Ivy,
Thank you very much for your comments. I have incorporated the same in my revised draft. I have included the revised essay below, kindly assist in checking whether there are other corrections required. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Dear Louisa,
I am very thankful for your comments to my essay. I have tried to add some information you asked me to. I hope I have addressed your concerns. Below find the revised essay for additional comments. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.
The Second draft
Talking about leadership and influencing skills, there is only one person comes to mind, my former supervisor at Tanzania Cigarette Company (TCC), Mr. Mwana Mwakabonga. He has been very instrumental in honing my leadership skills and unleash my innovative skills. Mr. Mwakabonga's leadership style is a Transformational leadership. He empowers his team and delegates, he assist personal development of team members, he inspires innovations, he coaches and mentors his team, he shows concern for the team and lead by example. From him, I have learned the following lessons about leadership; that a leader is someone able to influence others, motivate them, mentor them, train them and get them to be good leaders too. Backed with his influence, I am proud to call myself an upcoming young leader.
In practicing leadership and influencing skills I have acquired, I was able to lead the team through two successful Annual and Strategic Planning cycles (A&SP). This was possible because I was able to learn planning instructions quickly and system knowledge requirements from other JTI (the mother company of TCC) markets and transfer the knowledge to the rest of the team. Moreover, I organized video conference with the experts from JTI head offices in Manchester and Geneva, to help team members execute challenging tasks. Being a team leader in A&SP has given me a tremendous experience on how to lead a team and motivate them. The biggest challenge I encountered in the due process was how to communicate technical information to branch managers who had no or poor background of budgets. To overcome such obstacle, I had to adjust myself to their level of understanding so we could speak the same language and get things done. In my view, one of the best ways to influence the team is to equip them with necessary skills to execute their duties.
I believe leadership skills extend beyond our professional capacity or areas to the society. In 2013, I with the other University of Dar es Salaam (UDSM) alumni formed a local club dubbed Mabibo Bullets Basketball Club (MBBC). The main goals of the club were to enhance UDSM alumni unit through sports, to assist current students in their studies, and to extend the social relationship between UDSM alumni, current students and indigenous of Mabibo area. Through MBBC, I was able to mentor students about their preparation of after university life, the right balance between sports and studies and professional life, especially in Accounting and Finance career. So far we have succeeded to attract a number of UDSM students and others who came to the University grounds for physical exercises. Moreover, most of the students who joined the club have been employed immediately after graduation.
With all these leadership skills and the desire to develop into a great leader, I believe Chevening scholarship will assist me to learn from the best and use those skills to influence my society.
Msonga, the additional information that you have provided in your essay really helps to enhance your leadership abilities explanation. The explanation about how much you admire and learned from your mentor gives the reviewer an insight into the kind of future leader that you will be. It is important to establish that you have a role model in terms of leadership because your abilities as a leader does not grow overnight. It comes from the influence, guidance, mentoring, and leadership of other people in your life. That is a solid point depicted in your essay.
I have a question regarding your second paragraph though. While you mention the A&SP cycles that you successfully won together with your team, we don't really have any information about the team. You need to share some information about the team so that the reviewer can understand why this win is so important to you. What is the team name? What was the purpose of the competition? How and why were you chosen to become the team leader? The additional information will help you better explain and depict your role as the team leader during this leadership experience.
Your role as an influential leader in the UDSM - MBBC is a bit lacking. It is not important for us to know that these kids were employed soon after graduating. What we do need to know is the kind of role that you played in influencing them. What kind of mentoring did you do? How did you inspire them to continue to dream and reach their goals? Did your leadership abilities have any role to play in influencing these young minds?
I am sorry about posing new questions for you to deal with in the essay. I really believe that these questions will help enhance the essay and also help us to better edit the essay to be short and informative when the time to create the final version comes. I can see the grammar errors that need to be corrected but I am not going to address those until I am sure that all that is left to do with the essay is the final edit.
I look forward to reading the next version of the essay :-) I hope you won't get tired of editing it into its final form.
Thank you, Louisa. I am working on your advice and you will soon get the feedback.
Here is another Chevening essay please assist!
Qn. Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and how you hope to use these skills in the future
Frankly speaking, I have come to understand the importance of networking skills at the University of Dar es Salaam (UDSM). During those times, my target was to get prepared for my professional career. I was lucky to meet different students who were in their second and third years at the University. Such kind of networking helped me to shape my career and to secure my first job at XYZ Bank few months after graduating from the University. One of my colleague who graduated a year earlier recommended me to the HR of XYZ and, therefore, I was called for an interview and finally I got a position as a Cashier at the Bank.
There are key avenues I have been utilizing to enhance my networking skills and broaden my network. The top three areas include; sports activities, association, and online social networks. Sports especially basketball has played a major role in my networking experience because I played for UDSM basketball team and currently I am playing for Mabibo Bullets Basketball Club (MBBC). Through sports, I am able to meet new people and exchange new ideas. Meanwhile, I have been utilizing Social networks, especially Linkedin for professional development and network expansion. So far, I have got two mentors through Linkedin; one from Nigeria and the other one from Zimbabwe. These guys are helping me out with my current mission to develop and provide the maximum contribution to capital markets in Tanzania. Moreover, associations such as UDSM alumni, CMSA workers association, MBBC are keeping me closer to my society and help me to understand social challenges from the investment point of view.
My present job involves supervision of all market players in the capital markets in Tanzania. These market players include; stock market dealers and brokers, custodian of securities, stock exchange, investment advisors and others. The key issue which have made me successful in my current job is networking with the firms under my supervision. Networking with market intermediaries has made supervision work easy and has influenced them to comply with easy. In additional to that, I have also enhanced my internal network at my workplace by build a close relationship with my superiors, heads of other departments and colleagues. Unlike other staffs who segregates themselves from the managers and directors, I am very close to them. This has built confidence and made it easy to contribute my innovative ideas to the Authority.
Finally, with this important skill and my thirst to expand my network into international sphere, Chevening scholarship will be paramount to reach my goal. Having a mixed group of people within my network, I am sure I will get the most out of them and contribute to the development of capital markets in Tanzania.
Msonga, don't use linkedin as one of your networking examples. Use only physical interaction networking examples in this instance. The reason you have to do that is because the internet network connections that one makes, unless it is first based upon a real time meeting or experience, can be questionable in nature. You never know what kind of person you are networking with. So any internet based network that you have should not be mentioned. While the internet is an excellent place to create networks, it is also the most dangerous place to do so. It is best to avoid an internet based network in this instance.
Try to explain more about how you developed your network in college, through sports, and at your office. The overview that you offer does not really portray your networking abilities so it does not really strengthen the essay. Please consider using better examples to prove your networking skills. For example, you can explain that your office sent you to an out of town conference where you met with various market players and stock brokers. Explain how you networked with them. What activities did you participate in that helped you create this network? Did you ever make the first move with regards to creating a network. For example, did you ever introduce yourself to an important person without looking for a contact first? How did that go for you? Was it successful? Did the time ever come when you needed to ask that person for a favor? How did it go? That will be a clear example of how you use your networking skills.
Try to present a separate paragraph that explains the kind of network you wish to build for your profession in the future. Then elaborate upon how you see this network helping to advance your career goals or objectives in the future. That is one part of the essay prompt that you were not able to completely address in your current essay.
Thanks, Louisa, I didn't know where to start or what to write. You have opened up my mind. I will come out with a better version soon.
Dear Louisa,
Below I have pasted two paragraphs of leadership and influencing skills essay I have corrected. Basically, Annual and Strategic Planning cycle involves the whole activities from departmental budgeting, consolidation, agreement and uploading the same in the system. Moreover, the cycle continues to oversee the implementation of commitments made in budgets and collect feedback from departmental heads and take the corrective action whenever the actual result are far out from the original planned budget. Therefore, I could not find the shortest straight words to express all these activities due to words limitation to 500 max. Moreover, I apologise for some delays, I have some difficulties in accessing computers and the internet for the moment. Thank you.
the revised paragraphs
In practising leadership and influencing skills I have acquired, I was able to lead the Financial Planning and Analysis (FP&A) team through two successful Annual and Strategic Planning cycles (A&SP). This was possible because I am a fast learner and therefore, I understood the instructions and system requirements quickly and transfer the knowledge to the rest of the team. Moreover, I organized video conference with the experts from JTI (the mother company of TCC) head offices in Manchester and Geneva, to help team members to execute challenging tasks. Being a team leader in A&SP has given me a tremendous experience on how to lead a team and motivate them. The biggest challenge I encountered in the due process was how to communicate technical information to branch managers who had no or poor background of budgets. To overcome such obstacle, I had to adjust myself to their level of understanding so we could speak the same language and get things done. In my view, one of the best ways to influence the team is to equip them with necessary skills to execute their duties.
I believe leadership skills extend beyond our professional capacity or areas to the society. In 2013, I with the other University of Dar es Salaam (UDSM) alumni formed a local club dubbed Mabibo Bullets Basketball Club (MBBC). The main goals of the club were to enhance UDSM alumni unit through sports, to assist current students in their studies, and to extend the social relationship between UDSM alumni, current students and indigenous of Mabibo area. Through MBBC, I was able to mentor students about their preparation of after university life, the right balance between sports and studies and professional life, especially in Accounting and Finance career. I did this through personalized advice to students on a case by case basis. In all cases, I set myself as an example of someone who fully participated in sports and achieved good academic results. To inspire my mentees, I always tell them my success story on how I grew from a bank teller to an analyst within two years.
Dear Louisa, thanks again for you valuable contribution. Below find the corrected version of networking skills essay. Please be free to comment as to whether I have addressed your concerns or not. Thank you.
It was a tough day at the university, standing in a long queue of more than 500 first year students waiting for registration. This was my first day at the University of Dar es Salaam. I was holding several forms and the university map to guide me around the campus. I could not tolerate spending the whole day at the queue; therefore I opted to find someone to give me alternatives shortcut to registration. That is when I started networking with other students at the University and here is where I came to understand the importance of networking skills.
Being nominated to play with the University of Dar es Salaam basketball team at Interuniversity competition in Tanga, 2009, was not an easy task for me. My networking skills helped me a lot. I did not only go to the University grounds for physical exercise, but also I went for networking purposes. The strategy was to get together with my teammates after regular exercises and engage them in talking about the life beyond sports and academic. Through this technique, I succeed to convince my team captain who helped me to improve my performance at the ground and got a chance to play with the University basketball team.
My current role as an analyst has given me greater opportunity to network with different stakeholders in capital markets in Tanzania. This year I attended a workshop on market liberalization for East African Community countries in Dar es Salaam. In this conference, I met with peoples from different sectors, ministries, and regulatory authorities. The workshop involved dialogues in groups and I opted to be the leader of the financial sector group to know my colleagues and familiarize with the whole group. During tea and lunch breaks, I meet in person with many attendants to discuss different issues apart from the workshop. This helped me to capture many participants attention and at the end of the workshop everyone was familiar with me. After the workshop, I created a spreadsheet with all contracts and add their contacts in my phonebook.
My plan is to expand my network in international context. Chevening scholarship offers a great opportunity for me to meet different colleagues and professional from different cultures and background. Therefore apart from studying I will spend a great deal of my time connecting with students, professors and other professionals in the UK. My plan is to involve myself with different students associations, attending workshops, participates in sports and volunteer in different community activities once I get a chance to study in the UK.
Mwana, let me work on the grammar corrections for your first essay at this point. I will address the new essay in a separate thread.
This was possible because I am a fast learner and therefore, I understood
quickly and transfer TRANSFERRED the knowledge to the rest of the team. Moreover,
I organized A video conference with the experts from THE JTI (the mother company of TCC) head offices in Manchester and Geneva,
to help team members to execute IN EXECUTING challenging tasks.
Being a team leader in A&SP has given GAVE me a tremendous experience on REGARDING how to lead a team and motivate them.
To overcome such obstacle OBSTACLES, I had to adjust myself to their level of understanding
In my view, one of the best ways to influence I INFLUENCED the team is WAS to equip them with necessary skills to execute their duties.
our professional capacity or areas to the IN society.
current students and THE indigenous of THEMabibo area.
their preparation of FOR after university life,
the right balance between sports and , studies and professional life, especially in AN Accounting and Finance career.
personalized advice to THE students on a case by TO case basis.
I always tell TOLD them my success story on REGARDING how I grew from a bank teller to an analyst within two years.
Do You Need