Please Help Me... I need help completing my scholarship essay.
In 2005, I came to the United States for the first time, I was born and raised in El Salvador, Our life there was horrible we often had nothing to eat. My parents decided to bring me to the U.S to expand my opportunities in education.
Since I started high school, I knew that I wanted to continue with my education at a higher institution University in Texas. I graduated last year from Travis High School; I decided to apply to Austin Community College and after 2 years, Transfer to a Four-Year University. My mother is the head of the household. She works as a custodian at an Elementary School, but the money she earns is just not enough to cover for my college expenses and classes. I can't get a job because I have no legal documents to work in the U.S.I would if I could to help my mother and family. I am recently taking two courses only, but I wish I could take more than that. I currently hold a 3.5 GPA.
I am volunteering at a Non-Profit organization called El Buen Samaritano, is devoted to serve Hispanic families of low income. My duty is to take care of the children, while their parents are learning English in the classrooms. I feel extremely lucky have the privilege to interact with the children and teach them new things, make them feel comfortable around us, that they can trust us. It is just wonderful to see how a smile can change so much. I am also volunteering at the Community Foundation Center. The CFC is devoted to help low income students to fill out their Financial Aid Federal Student Applications for college.
I am a good candidate for the Villa Esperanza/HSC Scholarship because I have strong work- ethic, Motivation and desire to succeed. Get my bachelors degree in Criminal Justice / Law Enforcement. The Villa Esperanza Scholarship will open the future for my family and me.
Thanks, for considering this application.
you use too often expression "I". It makes your speach like a little bothersome. Try to paraphrase your sentences and make them more sophisticated. Start with something positive, general, make some introduction before you begin your story. It is a simple autobiography, which will not probably interest readers.
I've done some changes to my essay. Please someone check it for me and let me know what you think.
I am a good candidate for the Villa Esperanza Scholarship, because I am a good example of what a Hispanic should be, my academic performance is a reflection of a strong work ethic, Motivation, and powerful desire to succeed. Through four years of high school, I dedicated strongly to study and earned good grades. Loved to play sports, Baseball, Track, and Tennis. As a Proud Hispanic, I am devoting my self toward serving my community by volunteering at organization to better the society we live in.
In 2005, my parents brought me to United States. Born and raised in El Salvador, My life there was horrible, often had nothing to eat. My parent's decision was to expand my opportunities in education.
Starting high school, I knew that I wanted to continue with my education at a higher institution of education in Texas. Graduating last year from Travis High School, I decided to apply to Austin Community College and after 2 years, Transfer to a Four-Year University and get my bachelor's degree on applied science of criminal Justice Law Enforcement. My mother is the head of the household. She works as a custodian at an Elementary School, but the money she earns is just not enough to cover for my college expenses and classes. I can't get a job because I have no legal documents to work in the U.S. I would if I could to help my mother and family. I am recently taking two courses only, but I wish I could take more than that. I currently hold a 3.5 GPA.
I volunteer at a Non-Profit organization called El Buen Samaritano, serves families of low income. El Buen Samaritano provides them with the tools to succeed in society. My duty is to take care of the children, while their parents are learning English in the classrooms. I feel extremely lucky have the privilege to interact with the children and teach them new things, make them feel comfortable and happy. It is just wonderful to see how a smile can change so much. I am also volunteering at the Community Foundation Center. The CFC is devoted to help low income students to fill out their Financial Aid Federal Student Applications for college.
Why are you a good candidate to receive this award?
My academic performance is a reflection of a strong work ethic, Motivation, and powerful desire to succeed. Through four years of high school, dedicated strongly to study and earned good grades. Loved to play sports, Baseball, Track, and Tennis.
Being fourteen years old, my parents brought me to United States. Born and raised in El Salvador, My life there was horrible, often had nothing to eat. My parent's decision was to expand my opportunities in education.
Starting high school, I knew that I wanted to continue at a higher institution of education in Texas. Graduating last year from Travis High School, I decided to apply to Austin Community College and after 2 years, Transfer to Texas State University to study Law. I am convinced that by studying law I can be well prepare to assist Latino community, when it comes to law and public law. Coming from a single parent household, I am proud to serve as a role model to my youngest brother and sister. My mom works as a custodian at an Elementary School, but the money she makes is just not enough to cover for my college expenses and classes. I can't get a job because I have no legal documents to work in the U.S. I am recently taking two courses only, With a 3.5 GPA.
I volunteer at a Non-Profit organization called El Buen Samaritano, serves families of low income. El Buen Samaritano provides them with the tools to succeed in society. My duty is to take care of the children, while their parents are learning English in the classrooms. I feel extremely lucky have the privilege to interact with the children and teach them new things, make them feel comfortable and happy. It is just wonderful to see how a smile can change so much.
I am a good candidate to receive the Villa Scholarship, because I have a great need for money to continue in college. Since I am an Undocumented Student, opportunity to qualify for Federal Financial Aid is zero. I want to graduate from an accredited Texas University in 2014. Make a difference in society by becoming a law enforcement officer in the state of Texas.
Thanks for considering this application.
Use periods:
In 2005, I came to the United States for the first time. I was born and raised in El Salvador. Our life there was horrible. We often had nothing to eat. My parents decided to bring me to the U.S. to expand my opportunities in education.
Add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Make it a sentence that tells the reader what you want to accomplish. End that first paragraph with a sentence about what you hope to achieve in these next five or ten years.
When you talk about more than one parent and something that belongs to them, use the apostrophe AFTER the s:
My parents' decision ...
Don't capitalize the M in motivation:
My academic performance is a reflection of a strong work ethic, motivation, and powerful desire to succeed. Through four years of high school, I dedicated my time to studying and earned good grades. I loved to play sports -- baseball, track, and tennis.
I am a good candidate to receive the Villa Scholarship, because I have a great need for money to continue in college, and I also have a great plan for contributing meaningfully to society. Since I am an Undocumented Student, my chances to qualify for Federal Financial Aid are zero.
Tell about your plan for contributing to society and being a success in your chosen field! Show that you have a plan. :-)