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"Good Girl" and the "Gentle Child"; Questbridge Biographical Essay



khanhluong 3 / 8  
Sep 22, 2013   #1
Hi guys, I am applying to Questbridge and this is the most important essay in the application. I am a non-native speaker so I might make grammatical mistakes. Please throw ideas/opinions/critiques at me :) Thank you all!

Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 words maximum)

"Mom and Dad will be the shield,
Protecting you through all your life
Because you are Daddy girl,
The very good girl
Because you are Mommy child,
The very gentle child."
-For You (Cho Con) by Pham Trong Cau -
In the boundless love and protection of my parents, I grew up to be the "good girl" and the "gentle child" who always hid behind my parents' shield. I never looked outside that shield to see my heroes waking up at 4 A.M every day to prepare the stove, put down the chairs, set the tables, and open the door for another day serving the hungry customers; I never caught their silent sighs and disappointing looks when the diner was empty at lunch time. Time flew; I grew taller and wiser, yet I still tried to fit myself under my parents' shield, which overtime had turned into a shell, until one day my Dad told me about the "big American journey."

From the very first moment we set our feet on American soil, I faced the situation that would become so common in our daily life: we got lost at Chicago's O'Hare National Airport, and my Dad could not understand the directional signs, so I reluctantly put my little English knowledge into use. I came to a middle-aged woman, showed her our tickets with shaking, nervous hands, and asked her in tiny, trembling voice: "Excuse me! We are lost. Can you help us?" She smiled and pointed out the way. Good Lord, she spoke with the speed of wind, so I asked her to repeat herself many times until I was confident about where to go. My mom squeezed me and almost cried when I told her we had reached the correct gate. Dad said he was impressed with me "speaking English like a native". And I smiled triumphantly at myself before falling asleep on the plane heading to Charlotte, North Carolina.

Nonetheless, that victorious smile soon went away when I found it extremely difficult to adapt to American culture and language. Nobody understood me verbally or intimately; I became unheard, unseen, unknown. I wanted to run to my mom, put her arms around me so that she could protect me from the unkind comments on my accent or my big, bristled, second-hand jacket, but she had already run to me first, telling me that I was (and still am) her and my Dad's only way of communication. Just like that, I switched places with my parents, turning from a princess hiding in her castle to a warrior confronting the real-world challenges. I started my tenacious English-learning journey by attending ESL lessons after school and catching up with other high school students with a 4 in the English I End-of-Course Exam. Speaking English fluently does not only help me in academics but also allowed me to assist my parents in their daily activities. I became Mr. Kapasi in Jhumpa Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies," thinking with all my heart, trying to fully convey my parents' health concerns to American doctors. Several visits with my parents to the doctors' clinics amazed me how neat American medicine system is - magnificent facility characterized by bright, glistening floor with fragrant flowery decorations and incredible faculties who always fulfill their jobs. I dream about working with those spectacular individuals and wearing that shiny white coat one day for it belongs to someone who the patients can trust, like my parents have always trusted me. I might start off my educational race later than other future doctors, but I am not afraid. Three years in America have exposed me to invaluable academic interests and opportunities which nine years of Vietnamese restrictive memorize-it-all schooling did not offer. I am grateful for this fortune, for the permission to dream, to achieve, and I will make the best out of it by furthering my education in one of the most qualified institutions in the nation, the foundation on which I will climb to the apex of success in the challenging yet rewarding medical profession.

Time passed by in the blink of an eye; I am now a senior standing on my own feet, welcoming the challenges and opportunities behind the threshold of college. As I listen to my childhood song, I find my cheeks burning with tears rolling from my eyes. Equipped with the American eagle's wings, I am able to break away from my parents' shield to chase my dreams over the American sky. I am not little Khanh anymore; I am responsible for myself, even my parents. But no matter what my parents are still my heroes who will always be there for me whenever I seek for them.

"When you spread your wings
Flying far, far away
Don't ever forget
We will always be your homeland."

katwoman 2 / 6  
Sep 22, 2013   #2
You created imagery very well throughout the entire essay and your English is great! I enjoyed reading your essay and I admire your determination. I couldn't find anything I, personally, would change.
OP khanhluong 3 / 8  
Sep 22, 2013   #3
Thank you katwoman! Do you think that I have successfully answer the prompt?
katwoman 2 / 6  
Sep 22, 2013   #4
Yeah I believe you did really well! Would you be so kind to read mine and see if I successfully answered it? I was struggling with that.
vynguyen1995 - / 3  
Sep 25, 2013   #5
Hey! Give me your email address, I will send the corrections through there!
vynguyen1995 - / 3  
Sep 25, 2013   #6
The message is great, but the grammar definitely needs more work! I would be happy to help you,
vynguyen1995 - / 3  
Sep 25, 2013   #7
"Mom and Dad will be the shield,
Protecting you through all your life
Because you are Daddy girl,
The very good girl
Because you are Mommy child,
The very gentle child."
-For You (Cho Con) by Pham Trong Cau -

I edited your essay through Word, but essay forum wont let me post it on here because its too big.


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