I hope to expand my social and professional network and meet more people in Chevening

Networking question in the application of Chevening scholarship program

Hi, Can you help me in correcting my essay grammatically and tell me if it is convincing for the scholarship?

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Networking is one of the most things I always like to do. I strongly believe that, the essential principle in all kinds of networking is giving, not getting. I have a good professional networking; I am a member of many professional groups on LinkedIn and Facebook. Farther more, I keep in touch with my professors and colleagues, and discuss a lot of scientific subjects together. I always try to establish a good relationship with my patients, especially children, by doing my best to place myself in their shoes in order to better understand and feel their pain and discomfort that may suffer from treatment, I try to keep a smile on my face. I also deal with my student in a positive and motivated way and use new skills that make learning more interesting. Bing in the 14th Training Session for Students of Arab Universities in Egypt, that I attended it because I was one of the best students of my university, had allowed me to meet a lot of friends both from my country and from Egypt with different study branches. All of us, exchanged experience and knowledge, and enjoyed relationship building. In my voluntary experience with young people in my city, in a training entertaining program with, I was one of the team members that organize this program. During I was dealing with both the young and team members; I approach each person with an enthusiastic attitude. Farther more, I have an excellent social networking; I am amiable person who appreciate friendship and social relationships. I often contact with my friends and colleagues using the social media like Facebook, e-mail or whatsapp, in addition, doing some activities together and meet them in parties and social occasions. I like sharing my ideas and opinions with the others. Farther more, I enjoy spending time in more exciting with my lovely and open-minded family.

In my opinion, good networking skills are essential to all aspects in my life. I always believe that perfection of networking skills leads me to be a good influencer, who I always aspire to be, in my community and over the world. It also gives me the best chances to achieve success in my career. So, I am persistent, watch and learn from others, and try out new skills to develop my networking skills to be a master networker.

With various experiences in my life, I have met hundreds of people from different countries, cultures and professions. I hope to expand my social and professional network and meet more people around the world in Chevening program.

Julia, please remove all references to your joining networks on linkedIn and Facebook. Those cannot be considered actual networks because they are online based and do not have a physical presence that allows you to participate in their activities. However, if these online organizations have a physical presence that allows you to participate in their activities and thus, allows you to create a network base, then refer to the actual organization instead of the online presence. In relation to this, please remove the references to social networking. Keep in mind that the networking that you have to present as examples here have to actual and factual.

In so many words, your essay is weak in terms of foundation and topic development. Do you have any actual networking experience that can be based on actual professional activities or socio-civic involvements? All of the experience that you have mentioned are far too old to make any impact upon the reviewer. It also does not give the reviewer a clear idea of how you use networking to improve your career or duties, including your proving that you are a responsible employee who knows how to use networking for the benefit of his career advancement.

The very format of the essay is hard on the eyes. Topic paragraphs are of the utmost importance when developing any essay. Learn to practice that so that the paragraph topics of your essay will be better developed and easier to read.

Your responses to the prompt need to be improved. I do not see any usable reference to you networking skills in relation to how you hope to use it in the future in relation to your profession. The essay sounds quite amateur at this point. There is no professional sounding experience or relevant information shared with the reviewer. So your maturity as a professional comes into question.

Focus the revised essay on your professional development. How did your interaction with other people in relation to your work or socio-civic activities help you become a good professional with excellent networking skills? Try to come up with understandable and complete scenarios that will better explain how networking has become an integral part of your professional career. That is the aim of this prompt and that is the kind of response that you should deliver.

Julia, I hope you understand how serious the Chevening scholarship is, it's a very competitive scholarship that builds students from ground up.
The prompt, first of all, is asking for your professional background when it comes to networking that leads to becoming a good and sound leader.

Now, I did a thorough understanding of your essay, you lost a few points already, you made an essay where you made the admission staff think of facebook and all this social media sites, I understand that this may be some sort of networking for you but this is not what will make you into an effective leader let alone be able to participate in the Chevening scholarship program. All this social media sites and following is solely for your leisure time, don't get me wrong, friends will always be there to help you out and make things better but this is not the case when it comes to this application.

What I suggest for you to do, is to streamline your academic standing, cite experiences where you draw a following, like shouting out for a cause in school that led to a movement, maybe a school activity that you have in mind that created an organized association or a simple thought of coming with a better understanding of a task that led to it's proper execution. Examples like this does matter when answering this particular prompt.

Remember, the Chevening Scholarship is one of the sought after scholarships there is and you don't want to miss your chance of taking a spot, so revise you application, follow through from the advice you got form EF contributors and advisers and you should be able to come up with a powerful essay.

I hope to see the revised essay posted here on EF so we can assist you further.