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Howard Community College, Essay for scholarship application


ryan 3 / 2  
Jan 19, 2007   #1
This is an essay for scholarship application, could anyone help me to revise it, please?
Thank you

6:45 pm, after I said the last "goodbye" to my mother, I walked into airport lounge.
7:00 pm, the KE968 flight took off. From this second, I left the place I had lived for seventeen years.
I saw an air stewardess hanging a "Merry Christmas" decoration in the cabin wall. Christmas came. Even though that was in China, western culture was gradually merged into this traditional country. Families became accustomed to reunite on Christmas holidays; everyone else on this plane was going home, but me. I left my mother and was en route to another side of the world.

Now I have not seen my mother a year already. Every friend of mine here has his or her mother to be with. I always "complain" this to my mother when I call her overseas. When someone's mother treats me like treats her daughter, I always feel thankful to her, and I start to miss my own mother. I envy my friends. I tell my mother. I would say how unfair it is for me now; I would go to the airport to buy a ticket and back to my country; I would tell her I should stay with her, but I did not. Even though my mother is far away from me, I can always feel her love. Even though she can not support me everything in my life, she gives me the important thing - my heart. Daughter's heart comes from a part of mother's heart, an old Chinese maxim says.

Why I can still smile in front of the world; why I can still enthusiastically strive for my dream, because of my mother. Life is about choices. My mother has given me the opportunity to either choose to enhance my future, or stay stagnates. Although the sacrifice is great, I have chosen to enhance my education. Although China offers a rigorous educational system, the American education is more appealing to a student. We are encouraged to expand our horizons, and to learn outside of the textbook world. We are taught to use what we learn in the classroom and to apply it to our daily lives.

My mother has given me an opportunity to choose. And I've chosen to be the best student I can be. Even though my days are challenging, and at times I ask myself why life must be so hard at the age of eighteen, I remember my mother's loving eyes and remember the choice I've made - the responsibilities I've taken on. Howard Community College is a prestige school with great diversity. This institution offers not only a strong education opportunity, but also the opportunity to grow as an Asian American woman through cultural diversity and sense of community.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Jan 20, 2007   #2
Greetings!

Here are the changes I would suggest:

At 6:45 pm, after I said the last "goodbye" to my mother, I walked into the airport lounge. At 7:00 pm, the KE968 flight took off. In that moment, I left the place I had lived for seventeen years.

I saw an air stewardess hanging a "Merry Christmas" decoration on the cabin wall. Christmas had arrived. Even though that took place in China, western culture has gradually merged into this traditional country. Families became accustomed to reuniting on Christmas holidays; everyone else on this plane was going home, but me. I left my mother and was en route to another side of the world.

Now I have not seen my mother for a year. Every friend of mine here has his or her mother to be with. I always "complain" about this to my mother when I call her overseas. When someone's mother treats me like treats her daughter, I always feel thankful to her, and I start to miss my own mother. I envy my friends. I tell my mother how unfair it is to me; I want to go to the airport to buy a ticket and back to my country; I tell her I should have stayed with her, but I did not. Even though my mother is far away from me, I can always feel her love. Even though she can not support me in everything in my life, she gives me the important thing - my heart. "A daughter's heart comes from a part of her mother's heart," an old Chinese maxim says.

The reason I can still smile in front of the world, why I can still enthusiastically strive for my dream, is because of my mother. Life is about choices. My mother has given me the opportunity to either choose to enhance my future, or stay stagnate. Although the sacrifice is great, I have chosen to enhance my education. Although China offers a rigorous educational system, the American education is more appealing to a student. We are encouraged to expand our horizons, and to learn outside of the textbook world. We are taught to use what we learn in the classroom and to apply it to our daily lives.

My mother has given me an opportunity to choose. And I've chosen to be the best student I can be. Even though my days are challenging, and at times I ask myself why life must be so hard at the age of eighteen, I remember my mother's loving eyes and remember the choice I've made - the responsibilities I've taken on. Howard Community College is a prestige school with great diversity. This institution offers not only a strong educational opportunity, but also the opportunity to grow as an Asian American woman through cultural diversity and a sense of community.

Best of luck,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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