I've always been interested in urban planning, that's why I'm pursuing master degree in this field

How did you choose your proposed course and institution?

I wish to pursue a master's degree in Urban Planning. I've always been interested in urban planning and how the built environment, infrastructure, economy, society operate and interact.

Currently, one of the main issues that a city is facing is fire. Fire in the middle to high-rise buildings and residential areas is one of the major urban disasters due to the high population density and high economic value of buildings and their items.

According to the Jakarta Fire Department, the busiest fire department in Indonesia, fire has been the most frequent disaster that occurred in the Indonesian Capital throughout the year. Recent studies from World Bank stated that fire is caused by inadequate planning, infrastructure, and construction practices related to fire prevention and mitigation. Currently, there are not enough fire-qualified professionals practicing skills in planning, design, and managing fire risk in the urban area in Indonesia.

After doing some research, I found that the Master of Urban Planning at the University of Melbourne is the most suitable. It had a specialization track in Bushfire Planning. I will develop my expertise in urban planning, infrastructure planning as well as bushfire planning. With this specialization track, I will study how buildings respond to bushfire, setting and achieving bushfire management, and reducing the risk in bushfire-prone areas.

Furthermore, by studying at the University of Melbourne, I can learn how the government of Victoria mitigates the risk, implement, formulate bushfire policies in one of the most bushfire-prone areas in the world. I believe that this master's degree can prepare me to assume a specialty in the field of urban planning, especially bushfire planning.

There are 2 things that your essay fails to address in relation to your chosen course. The first is how your educational background and profession lends itself to these advanced studies. The second, is a secondary masters course and university to help the reviewers assess your worthiness as a masters student on a scholarship.

It is important for you to explain your background in relation to Urban Planning and Fire Management to help the reviewer get a better understanding as to the importance of your course choice to your profession. Regardless of the problem that exists in Indonesia regarding fire hazards at the moment, if you do not justify your professional goals and educational foundation, the reviewer will be lost as to the relevance of these advanced studies to your career goals.

The second university is a required presentation. Actually, you could choose 2 universities and 2 courses or 1 university and 2 courses. That is because the reviewer will assess your academic and professional qualifications against the requirements and pre-requisites of the course/s you have chosen. Whichever you fall under best is usually the one that is approved for you, provided that your overall qualifications pass consideration.

These are the gaps in your presentation that will require you to write a new essay, rather than a revised essay. It will be best for your discussion presentation if you do not have to try to fit in the extra information into the 2000 character essay that you have written. It will be easier for you to stick to the character count once you write a new essay that covers the extra information required.