I look forward to demonstrating my qualities as a Chevening Scholar in the UK universities

Hello dears, i am a new user. I am applying for the Chevening Scholarship program. If possible, please, help me correct my essay the grammar, the structure of the proposals and its correspondence with the requirement. thank you very much in advance!

LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE QUESTION

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Everyone has their own aim in life. Sometimes it appears in natural way. Sometimes life events cause to happen unexpectedly.
When I was 13 years old, I took the exam to enter the specialized high school for advanced students, but I failed. At that time I felt a bitter feeling of unconsciousness/ disappointment. Only thanks to my parents' enforcement, I understood that I had to study hard in order to get rid of poverty, so it was time to put definite goal in my life. I had to be changed, proactive and a man who is considered as a successful and influential person in society.

To get Bachelor's degree on the basis of full grant at one of the top universities in my country was the first result of my attempts. During the study on my undergraduate level, I succeeded in obtaining knowledge and skills in a wide range. Except from special majors, theoretical aspects of economy, finance, foreign economic affairs and policy, i had an opportunity to learn about psychology, logics, law, history, and world geography. Without any doubt, I can say I was able to do my best by showing my outstanding skills during the study period. For example, when I was in my third year, I made the presentation on the theme of "Development of CIS countries depends on Economic Integration" at the international conference held at our university by our teaching staff cooperated with the professors of Moscow State University. It was an incredible event in my life and everyone at the meeting appreciated influential speech, and marked me as a future leader.

As starting to work in the area of export transactions of cotton-fiber, acquired luggage of knowledge was due to enable me to demonstrate my leadership skill. Afterwards, being in a position of HR supervisor at Urgench branch of the Coca-Cola Company gave me additional commitment to lead other supervising staff to deal with some system issues. Before me, HR management system used to solve questions based on other departments' initiatives, when it concerned staff conducting as well as issues related to staff rotation. I started working cooperatively with heads of departments so that we were able to solve some root pent-up problems relating to a factor of incompatibility of work with the studies or capabilities of employees. Once I released some employees working in sales department actually had an academic background in the field of quality and laboratory. When I interviewed them, it seemed that they were fulfilling their tasks not with enthusiasm, but for the sake of money or threat to lose the job. On the other hand, these types of workers did not dare to discuss about that theme with their supervisors. In such kind of situations, I did my best to convince our directing staff and managers to follow my strategy in order to raise effectiveness of the work. I managed to attain my goal in this position by my decision-making and leadership qualities. This attitude influenced simple workers and our managing staff as well.

So I look forward to demonstrating my qualities as a Chevening Scholar in the UK universities with various professionals of world culture members.

I think you should give more examples of problems which you used your leadership skills to solve it. Give examples of your leadership and influencing activities during your undergraduate study.

I think you should improve the first paragraph because it doesn't show your leadership and influencing skills.

Thank you, memo.
i read you essay, it is one of good ones that i have ever seen, but as mentioned by the moderator(HOLT), it is required to be renewed as being due to the plagiarism reason.

@Kuzma

This essay is basically to see how good you are as a leader or influencer . They need to see the matured side of you . What you have gone through life is not important because this is more on professional approach . So the first two paragraph have no relevance what I feel .

Elaborate well what you have done as a leader when you started work and how it helped others .

Kudrat, a leadership essay must be written in a method that indicates a sense of maturity and responsibility in the workplace. The workplace element is the most important part of the essay because you are expected to display leadership and influencing skills that could help to develop your country in the future. Being an employee of Coca-Cola, a well known philanthropist company, should help you to establish these ideas in a highly effective manner. Focus your revised essay on your leadership skill as an HR supervisor. How do you lead the department towards hiring the right people? How do you influence the overall employee roster to feel good on the job and accomplish tasks when things seem to be difficult at the office? You can probably present a better developed version of that in about 3 paragraphs. That should work for your purpose. You cannot use the experience you had at the age of 13 because that is not considered a leadership age and does not offer any professional exposure as required by the prompt. Delete that part and offer a more insightful discussion of your time at Coca-Cola instead.

I am looking forward to reading your revised essay. However, only URGENT essays really qualify for a second review here. So I hope you make this post URGENT when you can.

Thank you very much for your hints. I will revise and rewrite with your corrections.

Good academic background as well as working experience in the companies of relevance to areas of cotton-fiber trade, international road construction project and production of brand soft drinks motivated me to play an influential role in a society with leadership skills.

It is important to note that studying on the undergraduate level on the basis of full grant at one of the top universities in my country was the beginning of my journey to new accomplishments. During my study, I succeeded in obtaining knowledge, academic and internship skills in a wide range. Moreover, I was one of just three students in the faculty who could get right to continue his internship with determined payment in the foreign trade company of Uzbekistan, Uzprommashimpeks. During my internship, I coordinated the team of other interns and realized more than ten export contracts within a year, which brought a contribution to the implementation of the annual export plans of the company. At that time, I learnt about a part of global market in the area of cotton export and had a chance to share my points of view with other international company representatives.

In October 2014, there was a boom in my professional career, since I was appointed as HR supervisor of Urgench branch of the Coca-Cola Company in Uzbekistan. Until that event, I had mostly boasted with my achievements gained during my undergraduate study and working experience as an intern in one of the foreign trade company in Uzbekistan. I started working cooperatively with heads of departments so that we were able to solve some root pent-up problems relating to a factor of incompatibility of work with the studies or capabilities of employees. Once I released some employees working in sales department actually had an academic background in the field of quality and laboratory. When I interviewed them, it seemed that they were fulfilling their tasks not with enthusiasm, but for the sake of money or threat to lose the job. Besides, these types of workers did not dare to discuss about that theme with their supervisors. I did my best to convince our directing staff and managers to follow my strategy in order to raise effectiveness of the work. This attitude influenced simple workers and our managing staff as well.

In February 2015, there was a scheduled social audit in order for obtaining the ISO certificate to the plant. The team under my guidance was responsible to provide the audit with the experts of international SGS Company. We participated on the name of our branch on labour protection issues. Incredibly, my team demonstrated objective evidences and our organization was able to pass the certification ISO 9001. In the final, our general manager mentioned my influential role in the process and congratulated me on the triumph in my first step.

So I am looking forward to sharing my decision-making and leadership qualities with various professionals of world culture members in the UK universities.