'I made some successful modification' - leadership and influence question

leadership and influence question

I am working in power station and petrochemical industrial company in Egypt since august 2014, I work harder to solve several problems such increases the life of equipment by analyzing the problem and solve it, and setting schedules program to maintain the equipment. Also, worked for an automotive company in Egypt from October 2012 to August 2014 does some modification in the system to arrange the work. From 2010 to 2012 I worked in the military, I was responsible for old cars and tanks, the problem was it stopped daily, I made some successful modification of motor and gearbox to improve the power.

Ashraf, is this statement a draft of your response to the Chevening Scholarship Leadership and Influencing prompt? If it is meant to address that, then let me tell you right now, this statement will not work. It does not tell the reviewer anything that will portray you as a current and possibly future leader and influencing personality in your country in the future. This is nothing more than a statement that can only be used on a college application setting and then again, in a not so effective manner to speak of. Before you continue to write your statement, please look at the other examples for this sort of essay in this forum. There have been many before you and some, concurrent with you in their essay development process that you can learn from. Either from the mistakes that they made or the advice given to them. Pick up some pointers from them and then create a new, more accurate and responsive essay.

The focus of this essay is first, on a specific leadership position on your part and the problems that come with it and how you manage to solve those. How do you create a team that can effectively address and solve the situation set before you? How do you influence people to get the job done when there seems to be no way of accomplishing a task? How do you embody a true and effective leader who knows how to influence people? I don't see any of these situations represented nor leadership and influencing traits becoming known in the statement that you wrote. It is nothing more than an ineffective summary response coming from you.

@Holt
Thanks for your response and I will take every word into my consideration

@ashraf mohamed
LEADERSHIP AND INFLUENCE QUESTION

I have worked in work at a power station (...) 2014,. I work harder My job is to solve several problems such to increases the life of (...) problem, and solveing it, and setting schedules to program to and maintain the equipment.

... 2014. does some modification inI modified the system to ...
From 2010 to 2012, I workedserved in the military,. I was responsible for fixingold cars and tanks,; or . the problem was it stopped daily, so I made some successful modifications of to themotor and gearbox ...