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Mental health is a term that ceases to exist within the Asian household - Scholarship Essay


syedjafri 1 / -  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
Prompt: Describe a time when you took the initiative to address an unmet need at school or in the community. What was the need and what steps did you take? What were the results of your actions?

Mental health is a term that ceases to exist within the Asian household. The stigma attached with the term is so substantial, that Asian parents will not even steer close to the topic. There is simply no tolerance for misbehavior. Experiencing these effects of acculturation helped me distinguish the lack of awareness towards youth mental health. The feelings, thoughts and situations that parents view as adult problems, in actuality, continue to overwhelm the majority of youth.

Every morning, as I sit in class, I am flooded by the three reoccurring themes of stress: sleep, depression and eating. It struck me that students in my generation lack the knowledge and experience required to develop effective stress coping mechanisms. They are conditioned to believe that there is no solution. I had found the problem. The first step I took to address this problem was to educate myself and enlist the help of my close friends. We discussed and experimented with numerous ways to cope with stress; implementing the ones that worked, and discarding the rest. After extensive self-testing, we found the two most effective skills to learn: time management and communication. The majority of students I talked to were continually overwhelmed with managing their school load, extracurricular activities, employment and social life. In addition, they had no idea how to seek help; leading me to phase 2 of my plan.

Shortly after I got elected for Grade Representative, I proceeded to use the Student Council platform to co-establish our school's first ever Mental Health committee. The purpose of this committee is to raise awareness within our school and de-stigmatize Mental Health. As of fall 2014, we are designing and spreading pamphlets that provide essential information to students regarding Mental illnesses, how to cope with them and specific helplines. We expect students to proactively seek out help for their problems and implement effective coping mechanisms into their life; reducing stress one step at a time.
YULIS 9 / 17 1  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
may i suggest, i think u have to use the past tense because your prompt occured in the past tense.

Prompt: Describe a time when you took the initiative to address an unmet need at school or in the community. What was the need andwhat steps did you take? What were the results of your actions?
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Oct 20, 2014   #3
Every morning, as I sit in class, I am flooded by the three reoccurring themes of stress: sleep, depression and eating


hello,, i think you should use the parallel words from the italic sentence. allow me to rewrite your statement;
Every morning, as I sit in class, I am flooded by the three reoccurring themes of stress: sleeping, depressing and eating

It struck strucks me that students in my generation lack of the knowledge and experience required to develop effective stress coping mechanisms.

in the last paragraph, i think you should use simple past

Shortly after I got elected for Grade Representative, I proceeded to use the Student Council platform to co-establish our school's first ever Mental Health committee. The purpose of this committee iswas to raise awareness within our school and de-stigmatize Mental Health. As of fall 2014, we arewere designing and spreading pamphlets that provideprovided essential information to students regarding Mental illnesses, how to cope with them and specific helplines. We expect students to proactively seek out help for their problems and implement effective coping mechanisms into their life; reducing stress one step at a time.


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