Owning a law company with a group of skillful associates - my future career

AAS Supporting statement: How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

global network of lawyers in my own law firm

Thanks in advance for your contribution.
My plan after completing the master of laws program in the Australia is to work as an in-house legal counsel of a Mongolian prominent business for few years, in order to gain a deep understanding of how businesses operate. The mastery of theoretical knowledge and the practice of commercial law that I'm planning to obtain during my master's study would surely be useful for me to effectively take care of a business's legal matters from the inside and give valuable directions for managing a business of a substantial size.

My long-term career goal is to establish my own successful law firm in Mongolia. In Mongolia, due to the reason that the development of commercial law practice is insufficient as compared to those of developed countries, government agencies and international institutions often engage international law firms as a main counsel on big projects, in addition to local law firms.

I believe that Mongolian law firms are capable of working in consistent with international standards if the lawyers are equipped with knowledge and skills of recent developments in the relevant field of law, in addition to expertise of local law. With my experience at a local law firm and a prominent business, combined with my advanced and integrated understanding of commercial law I would gather through my master's studies in Australia, I'm confident that I will be able to grow a law firm, that would assist clients in legally dealing with their commercial issues.

In addition to the knowledge and skills of commercial law the course can provide me, I'm confident that the global network of lawyers will become the most valuable investment and asset when establishing and expanding my law firm.

Azaa, do not mix your long term plans, which does not tie in directly with these masters studies, with the possible contribution that the masters degree can make to your career. As you can see, you did not even refer to your studies anymore in these long term plans because the studies you will complete will only apply to your immediate and short term plans of up to 5 years. Therefore, the first paragraph works for the essay, along with the third paragraph, and the last sentence that could just be incorporated into the third paragraph. The combination of those paragraphs already creates a proper response to the prompt. If you wish to expand upon those 3 paragraphs, just focus on the contribution of the studies. Stop going back to a discussion about the Mongolian law practices or anything related to your country. The reviewer only wants to know about you in relation to the prompt. You have a tendency to keep deviating in all your essay responses. Please stop doing that. Prompt deviations in academic applications can only be bad for your application. Stick to the provided discussion and nothing more.

@Holt
Thank you for your comments as always. In fact, I don't get why the contribution of my studies would have to apply to my short term career plan only, and not the long term goal. I would be thankful if you could advise. Your help is much appreciated.