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Essay on Presidential LEEP scholarship at Clark University



wizardA 1 / 1  
Jan 24, 2020   #1

the Kingdom of Biology



I always wanted to be knighted in the Kingdom of Biology. My first journey into science of life began from my attempts of baking. When I swirled around my grandmother in hopes to get dough from baursak, her face would fill with warm smile and explain importance of every ingredient. After knowing that sugar and warm water is for better growth, hence, better puffyness of dough was thrilling for me. . Also, we had a garden full of flowers and fruit trees. I grew seeing how my grandfather crossbreed apple and pear or when he would make compost for better growth of flowers. It was my first biology classes, where I learned basics of genetics. My passion for this subject did not stop there. When I was seven, I received my mini doctor kit. It contained my syringe and even EСG! I was exited about it. At that moment I would only make surgery on my toys but I already knew that someday I will be a real doctor.

My passion for biology grew like dough in warm place. During middle school we started a new chapter of human biology. Super computer that works without rest was the main focus. However, when I was learning about brain and synapses, my grandfather was diagnosed with Parkinson disease.

As time passed simple acts of walking were tough. Watching how his hands refuses obey him while he is trying his best to water plants or how always smiling face turned into emotionless was heartbreaking. Even worse is that there is no cure for it. Also, we could not afford medications nor surgery that he needed. After experiencing it I took rigorous courses and made my research; it reinforced the subject as my future calling. Helping people, families who face such problems is what I was born for.

One of the powerful classes was about brain functioning. I discovered that specific proteins accumulate in the brain and can cause Parkinson. But also I discovered that I know only the microscopical part of biology and it was when I finally decided my future.

With a degree in pre-medicine and biology, I will gain strong skills and important knowledge about geriatrics and brain science. I intend to become a neuroscientist, specializing in neurodegenerative diseases. I hope that I will work with elders and with brain abnormalities to find a cure for such diseases. Because When this kind of disease occurs it is not painful only for a patient but also to close friends and family. Being unable to help and watching how a person is fading away is painful. This is exactly why I keep digging into biology. I want to try my best to prevent it.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Jan 24, 2020   #2
This essay told me a lot more about the development of your interest in baking. It also introduced me to your relationship with your grandparents. While I applaud the focus on their influence in your life, their story did not help present a clear picture of how your interest in medicine developed. By the way, receiving a medical kit toy at the age of 7 does not make you decide right there and then that you will be a doctor. Pre-med is a difficult career choice to make and should never be based on a 7 year old's enjoyment of playtime. If you want to convince the reviewer, then focus on your relationship with your grandfather from the moment he began to battle Parkinson's. That is more of a life altering moment. It is a more relevant exposure to a situation that could help you to make the decision to enroll in pre-med. It gives the response a clear direction and focal point / motivation for your decision. Revise the essay to reflect that instance in your life instead. Forget about the baking and other imaginative examples that only muddle the presentation. Just talk about your interest in curing Parkinson's based on a personal experience. That is what the prompt is asking for anyway.


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