I am more than qualified for this scholarship;Why i should Get this scholarship

My name is Jacob Christopher Wright, and I feel that I am more than qualified for this scholarship. I am a well-rounded high school student because I am always looking for ways to better my education and help my community. I partake in sports, music classes, and even school plays. Since my freshman year I have been looking for ways to contribute to my community. From the beginning of high school till now, I have completed over 140 hours of community service. If I win this scholarship, I will use it to help me pursue my goal of attending a four year college.

Well, here you only express that you need the scholarship, but it does not really justify why you deserve this scholarship. You need to let them feel that you deserve winning it. So, tell why you need it - tell how difficult it is without this scholarship and also have more emotions in your writing for them to understand that you are committed to achieve your goals and this scholarship helps you in that task.

Well, I find this sounds a bit too rough .... it gives the reader a feeling that you are a bit high minded. Rather than saying that you are over qualified for the scholarship, you could have said ;

Based on my background, credentials, proven track records and skills, I believe I am a potential candidate for this scholarship.


Pahan's got a good point there. Hope you pay attention to that and redo this writing.