Scholarship Self-Introduction Essay for KGSP program - I am going to apply through University track

I am Tai Nguyen Thanh and I am going to apply for KGSP program through University track. The program requires a self-introduction essay which has the requirements as below:

-Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
-Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
-Your motivations for applying for this program
-Reason for study in Korea

Here is my essay. I hope that you will give me some suggestions to help my essay get better. Thank you very much

changing a conventional thought into an innovation

First of all, let me introduce myself, I am Tai Nguyen Thanh and I come from Vietnam. I graduated PetroVietnam University in September 2016 with the bachelor of chemical engineer. After finishing the university course, most of Vietnamese graduates decide to seek for a job, and I am not an exception. However, I soon realized that doing research is the best fit to me after a period of time of job-finding. As a result, I decided to take a master course which relates to chemical engineer as my first step in my career of a professional researcher.

The idea of taking postgraduate course came to me after time of struggling. The struggle is about to stand against the conventional thought and to make an innovation. In the society, in which, the value of a person is entitled with social position, job and salary, the value of science knowledge gained during university time is popularly not inherited and developed. This widely accepted thought encourages me to apply for postgraduate courses relate to applied science, particularly, the master program of chemical engineer. Another factor strengthens my decision is my country's current chemical industry situation. According to my view, the development of Vietnamese chemical industry mainly bases on imported technologies. Consequently, some key technology features are kept secretly. Hence, I want to make a contribution to change this characteristic by following research way. After finishing the postgraduate course and specializing in a specific science field, I can understand key points of a technology and can even make innovation in that field by conducting experiments relate to the remaining questions.

Basing on the information that I acquired from my lecturers and university ranking assessment websites, Korea is an ideal country for the development of my research career. In the view of my lecturers, who graduated the PhD course in Korea, the study environment in this country is so competitive and under high pressure of expectation from the lecturers. These factors are the main driven forces to stimulate students to achieve the final target of the course, especially in case of fresh researchers. In addition, South Korea has an intensive focus on science which is illustrated through the diversity of postgraduate course, international researcher attraction policy and huge investment on facility for science research. This focus gives South Korea with high reputation of education with lots of universities in the top 200 of the world like Seoul National University, KAIST, POSTECH and Yonsei University. With these mentioned characteristics, I strongly believe that South Korea is a country that will help me flourish in the way of becoming a professional researcher.

South Korea has lots of prestigious universities with high raking and POSTECH is one of them. With a science and engineering focused curriculum, POSTECH has demonstrated its standing among different international universities with engineer subject ranking of 136th (US.NEW EDUCATION) and fifth position in the QS Top 50 Under 50. In addition to POSTECH's world ranking, I am greatly interested in the way your university categorizes chemical engineer into four specific fields with different research focuses. And the field of energy and environment has a huge attraction to me. Finally, according to POSTECH's course requirement, the result of dissertation research will be published in international journals of high standing. These features of POSTECH stimulate me to apply for the Master program of Chemical Engineer in POSTECH via KGSP program.

The way to become a professional researcher in chemical engineer is not smooth. It is a combination of many factors like student's effort and skill, the facility of university and the support from KGSP program. PetroVietnam University environment helped me built up not only basic knowledge related to chemical engineer, but also some characteristics which I consider suitable for the research work. The most important thing is the ability to be self-studied and be self-motivated. In addition, my personal traits like patience, determination and carefulness will be necessary in research environment. With the purpose of promoting international exchange in education, the KGSP will be the bridge to help me connect with my dream of becoming a professional researcher in energy and environment field. And finally, I strongly believe that the characteristics of Korean education and POSTECH environment will push me forward to achieve my goal.

I think that this essay has a pretty good structure, answering all of the prompts required, even though I feel like you could give a bit more information on yourself, such as family background and so on.

Also I'm not really sure if it's worth mentioning that you decided to apply after a period of job-hunting, because to me it sounds a bit as if you decided to carry on with your studies just because you couldn't find a job and it may deliver the wrong message.

Also I think that you might want to double check the grammar. I am not mother tongue so is not my place to say it, but I spotted a few mistakes here and there, even though I'm sure a native speaker would be much more of help.

Tai, your essay comes across as weak. Even though you have a pretty solid academic background, gave an impressive point of view about your life, and delivered a pretty clear idea for your future, the essay other parts of the essay do not really work well. The main weakness of the essay lies in the fact that your information is too researched, is based upon the opinion of other people, and does not offer any real potential for your future because of the lack of work experience on your part. The fact that you decided to look up a masters degree scholarship, without any employment existing or self- starter company in mind as the main motivating factor of your desire to study in Korea, makes the application questionable due to the lucrative offerings that the scholarship lists for the student. The reviewer will be aware of that and could very well decide that your application is not worth considering because you fall short on all counts. In order to improve this essay, you need to create an ambition for yourself that the reviewer might actually support.

As a researcher, talk about wanting to start your own research company and how this training is important towards attaining that goal. The reason why you chose to study in Korea should never be based upon the achievements of other people as you indicate in your essay. Instead, it should be based upon the applicability of the course of study to your real life / work scenario. Do not use researched information about the university, do not give sources for the information as well. When you speak of the university, you need to figure out why you want to study there in terms of the main reason that you want to study in Korea. What are the strong points of the university, based upon your major that attracted you?

Now, while we can fix the first two main problems of your essay, you are still facing a huge problem in terms of your work experience. You don't have any. You need to have some research work experience to support your statement otherwise, the method by which this line of study can help you further improve your career will not exist. This is the weakest point of your essay and you need to figure out how you can strengthen it with relevant research related information on a professional basis. This is not a decision that you can come to just because you found it hard to get a regular job in Vietnam. That is the worst reason you can give the reviewer actually. I strongly suggest you remove that reference in the essay.