Hello everyone! This is a personal statement to apply to the Global Korea Scholarship for the MBA program. I appreciate any type of feedback. Thank you.
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR MBA PROGRAM IN HANYANG UNIVERSITY, KOREA
GKS program is a good opportunity for me to excel and develop expertise to contribute to the common community. I am interested in studying MBA program and explore innovative ways of doing business. Personally, Korea is one of the most developed countries in the world not only in technology and engineering, but also in economy, education system and business. Firstly, today I see how Uzbekistan and Korea are strengthening interrelationship between them than ever, moving towards each other. Nowadays, variety of new connections are established. New businesses and investors are coming to Uzbekistan. Our country has offered non-visa entrance opportunity for Korean people etc. Namely, XXX where I work for, has established partnership with nine technoparks from Korea and Korea Association of BI Technology. Therefore, I have a goal to become a bridge connecting two nations in governmental or non-governmental organizations. Secondly, I am applying to GKS program for the reason that I want to learn Korean culture and language. Through the scholarship, I will get a chance to interact with students from diverse professional and cultural backgrounds drawn from all over the world. The exposure is important for interaction and integration of diverse ideas and perspectives pertaining to various global issues. The world is a mosaic of different cultures and a single perspective cannot apply to all these cultures.
During my lyceum time, I was dreaming of meeting and encountering with international students to recognize world from new edges and to see the world, get insightful understanding of it. Unfortunately, I did not had opportunity to get bachelor degree abroad. However, the passion to study in world-class university to gain best education brought me to XXXX University. In 2014, I enrolled at the XXXX and graduated in 2018. I decided to go to the Business Administration course, because, I found it more appealing to my interest. I had very good time at XXXX, because there we were taught in British educational system with credit system of marking, which was something new for me as it was not common for Uzbekistan's educational system. I also made international friends at XXXX as wanted and was able to get knowledge from international teachers. Education was not only activity I did at the University. XXXX held international Model United Nations (MUN) conference, where I successfully participated. We had School of Volunteers in our university where I with my friends volunteered in different events inside the university as well as outside of it. At present, following my father's path, to gain an insightful understanding of how governmental organizations work and because of interest to technologies, I came to work at XXX as a chief specialist of the Strategic Development and Monitoring Sector of Innovative Projects. Thanks to multicultural communications and data analyzing skills I gained, I was able to promote our services to Chinese, Korean and Russian joint companies in Uzbekistan.
Many asked me why do I choose Korea instead UK or USA, in fact, I always appreciated Koreans in Uzbekistan and Korean culture. I want to study in Korea because I love Korean culture and entertainment. My fascination with Korea has led me to self-study the Korean language at school time, where I relied solely on Internet resources to learn alphabet, how to read, speak and listen to the language. Motivation for learning Korean language came from soap operas shown by TV where I loved to listen music played in serials. My childhood interest for the language has not left me today. Currently I am taking Korean language course at Korean Education Center in Tashkent. Moreover, in childhood, I had two Korean neighbors I used to play with. Despite the fact that they talked in Russian not in Uzbek or Korean, I could feel the similarity between us. Because, they shared same values such as respect to elder people, communication culture, the way of dressing and behaving themselves with others. At those times, I realized how similar we are despite coming from different backgrounds. In addition, it is not only about bringing but also delivering Uzbek culture to Korea. I do believe diversity is key for the development. This is an experience I wish to emulate during my studies in Korea.
My interest to intercultural communication and cooperation leaded me to participate in several MUN conferences held in my home city. There I met international students and was able exchange ideas about real world problems and about differences between us.
With my educational and professional background, I believe I am a fully qualified candidate to continue my master's degree of MBA education in Hanyang University. With my ability to conduct independent research, high considerateness, time management, multinational communication skills and passion I will achieve success in my studies in South Korea.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Juraev, your undergraduate academic discussion, as well as your professional background are not complete. You need to discuss the relevance of your undergraduate degree to your current profession, along with any accomplishments you may have had during this time. The professional aspect, requires you to show that there is a specific reason for your desire to study a masters course. The evolution of your career from the start to present could help establish the continuing education requirement of your profession.
Now, since you are applying via university track, you need to make sure to discuss your masters course academic and professional goals in relation to the university offerings. This means that you have to prove an alignment between your past academic lessons, your future professional goals, and the university program you are applying to. Outlining how the university courses and training programs can help you achieve these goals will help your presentation as well.
Making the aforementioned changes will allow you to further strengthen your essay content. It will also allow you the opportunity to review your presentation for relevance to the prompt requirements. Kindly review the given topics for discussion and then compare it to every paragraph you have written. Remove the unrelated paragraphs and strengthen the existing paragraphs to create a more solid foundation for your essay.
Hello there. I'm trying to give you a constructive feedback as possible. I don't want to be rude or aggressive. To say that you have the ability to do independent research, you must show the committee a published paper that you actually worked on it. Independent research means you do the research by your accumulated research skills and a supervision from a senior researcher (Co-authoring). You have to do a literature review to writing up a paper based on what you analyzed from the data set. Have you ever done it before? then show it up. If you don't, try not to mention it since there is no evidence to prove that you can do an independent research (Same with your time management skills). And they would question you on what evidence you say that you're a fully qualified candidate? In addition, you said you appreciated Koreans in your country. Did you show your appreciation to them by working volunteer for a Korean organization in your country? I strongly advise that start your own essay and write it down from your heart. Referencing sentences from another applicant's essay is absolutely fine since we can learn from each other. But please be aware of whatever you write in your essay is from your own experience and prepare evidence to show that.
