About whether someone sent to prison before should talk to students about the danger of crimes

Hey everybody,
this is written part of ielts test,and i need some advice on my essay in any aspect ,thanks so much. Appreciate that.

title--------Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that they are the best people to talk to school students about the danger of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

essay--------
Many people believe that good residents who was sent to prison before are the most suitable people communicating with students about bad outcomes of crimes.Personally I tend to agree that.

Those who argue that interaction between students and people who committed crimes is proper,typically make the following arguments.The first one is that students may gain a better understanding of crimes though the expression from these people.In another word,the terrible experience of people who committed crimes before is likely to deter criminal try from students,which reduce the rate of youth crime to some extend.

The second and related argument is that being communicators to people with criminal records probably have positive impact on avoiding re-offending,because this identity as a students' advisor could rebuild their self-confidence and self-esteem.With the same time,they may more clearly realize how terrible the things they did before is.

However,some people argue that this kind of talking could not bring expectant benefits for students.They are likely to have biases against what they hear,since the person being talking to them was a criminal before.Students with this extreme emotion could not get alters about crimes from communications

In conclusion,base on what I have discussed above,I do hold the opinion that good citizens who was sent to prison before is the most suitable people talking with students about criminal harms,although,some students do not recognize what they say.

-------thanks again

The introduction needs a slight improvement. I suggest you to follow this model for introductory paragraph: building sentences(1) + a thesis statement(2).So let me give a try based on your idea:

(1)The fundamental aim of education is both to impart knowledge and to prepare students so as that they can be law-abiding citizens. Relating to the later, many believe that ex-prisoners are the best teachers to bring students staying away from criminal path. (2)Personally, while I totally agree with this statement since released prisoners will be able to share their experience in prison more lively and obvious, other alternatives should be taken into account.

Hope you can develop this paragraphs,
Body paragraph 1: On the one hand, students gain better understanding through direct conversations with those who have sent to prison before. Example. Discussion. Conclusion.
Body paragraph 2: Conversely, it sounds odd for people with a criminal record teaching the danger of crime in schools. Example. Discussion. Conclusion.

For the conclusion paragraph, simply restate your thesis(1) + summary body paragraphs(2) + final thought(3) . Here it is:
(1,2)The aforementioned evidence shows that some students may obtain a better grasp of crime from ex-prisoners, but it does not seem fully appropriate. (3)In this way, it is equally important that an active role of parents and supportive environments should be considered in combating juvenile delinquency.

Hope this helps.

thanks so much ,I will take your advice into serious consideration.

"Many people believe that good residents who waswere sent to prison before are the most suitable people communicatingto communicate with students about bad outcomes of crimes.Personally, I tend to agree that."

The next paragraph's first sentence seems like it could be moved to your first paragraph, as it is a summary of what is to come and would be more suitable in the introduction.

It's also a good idea to avoid starting a paragraph with "however," as this usually calls for a contrary clause before it. That paragraph could be merged with one before it or a sentence could be added to the beginning that contrasts the idea in the "however" portion.

- Many people believe that good residents who wasare sent to prison
- before are the most suitable people to communicatecommunicating with students
- about bad outcomes of crimes.
- Personally I tend tokind of agree to that.

- ...and people who commited crimes is proper,
- In an other words ,
- ...to deter criminal tryintentions from students,
- which will eventually reduce the rate of youth crime to some extendextent .

@Wuyi, there you have it, I worked on the part of the essay that needs more attention.
It's a good essay and you were able to make your point however I don't think that people who were convicted of such crime should speak to children or anyone about what they did, I don;t see this as an act to help reduce crime rate.