Greetings From Pakistan!
I hope all of you are doing fine and life is good. I just got done with my study objectives for the Fulbright scholarship, I will be really thankful if you can take a look at it. The instructions on the application are:
My educational plans
Currently working as a Resident Engineer for Pakistan's largest educational development project termed as "Smart University & Safe Campus" which has been funded by Higher Education Commission Of Pakistan in which more than 100 public sector universities will be connected via blanket Wi-Fi coverage and IP surveillance solution in order to counter any future terrorist activity. In my opinion, the technological and engineering expertise can only be converted into corporate success if they are augmented by strong managerial skill and a sharp insight. Pakistan does not have a scarcity of talented individuals who can instantly provide innovative solutions to the demands and challenges faced by the state as a developing nation; instead, it lacks individuals who are proficient, above their technical prowess, in the production and management aspects of bringing their novel ideas to practical implementation. The educational opportunities provided by the United States have no match in quality and quantity. These powerful institutions are the central processing unit of America's power in the world today and I want to take the full advantage out of it.
Therefore, I intend to put across my interests in studying an effective Master degree program in Engineering Management in the United States of America under the prestigious Fulbright Scholarship. The strongest weapon of United States is not only its highly trained soldiers and naval army but also the power of its higher educational institutes which in turn produces top-notch graduates who have an open, energetic and intellectual mind.
The most important aspect of the strong economy of a state is its innovation, especially today when technology is seen as so wanted and appreciated. Engineering Management is critical to innovation as its the basic application of technology to solve business problems and also of project management and skills management to accomplish complex projects, therefore, a degree under the program of Engineering Management would complement an entire state like Pakistan.
The application of engineering has to prove robust results. Many political projects have undertaken sound good but do not produce well off results in practice. For example, the failure of 'Nandipur power project' is the latest case in line with several others which are an open testament to the above-mentioned facts. Four years and around Rs. 84 billion were wasted on this project which was hoped to add 425 MW to the national grid. The project has produced nothing so far. Engineering results are objective. And this is the century of applying engineering techniques and managing them proficiently.
In due course of this qualification, the primary objective that I wish to achieve is to gain practical skills at all phases of planning, managing, producing and successfully launching a commercially viable engineering solution. I would be highly interested in learning, in detail, about the different tools and techniques employed by industrial players to organize marketing campaigns, to assure customer satisfaction, in dealing with legal issues and to come up with technically specific designs. This degree will further polish my skills at a professional level and will teach me how companies function and how they manage large scale projects. The opportunity to analyze industrial operations on a research project and assignment level will enhance my real life analytical skills and technical writing capabilities. All of these activities will provide me with plenty of successful examples of how projects are handled and directed to successful fruition in the engineering industry. The international exposure and the cutting-edge facilities at the university will also be very useful for me in the future.
Upon the completion of MS Engineering Management, I have an immediate interest to return back to my current company as a Project Manager in the level-II of the project of "Smart University & Safe Campus" where the same infrastructure would be installed in private sector universities of Pakistan. HEC is also planning for "Pakistan Education & Research Network 3" (PERN-3) in which 50 universities will be connected with 10G fiber optics pipeline along with China-Pakistan & Economic Corridor (CPEC) fiber which will start from China and end in Pakistan.
In the long run, I would like to be able to hold a position of power where I can independently meet with stakeholders, researchers and government officials to devise and manage mega projects undertaken to address the higher needs of the Pakistani society. I would want to ideally be in charge of the IT industry of Pakistan and work with energetic engineers to provide diligent IT solutions to national problems such as terrorism, illiteracy, cybercrime, logistics, disaster management and digitization of national institutions. Therefore, this program is best suited to further my skills on the application level.
Your first paragraph is confusing to me. The first sentence which might be the main idea of the paragraph doesn't relate well with the second sentence. Instead, you should try to explain problems that arise from your current job then what study you think will help you to overcome those problems. Also, I think your second and fourth paragraphs are part of the first paragraph if you can rephrase it. So I think you need to restructure them. As the first prompt said, you need to explain your study objectives, then explain the reasons behind it.
You need to explain more in the major field and specialized interests within the field. I saw it in your third paragraph, but it is too vague. Learning carefully about the program you want to take in universities of your interest will help you a great deal in this area. Moreover, it will help you for the third task of the prompt. It will fit like puzzles.
I find you have vaguely described the kind of programs you expect to undertake. Again, another rephrase would help this essay to be more clear. You need to convince the scholarship admission board that the university has been provided the best program to help you improve and achieve your goals.
There, I think that's all I can say. Hope it will help you to refine your essay and good luck! :)
Thanks so much for taking time out to read my essay it means a lot. Following are some of my questions:-
1. Do you think I should begin introducing what I studied in my undergrad, my bachelor's university's ranking and some of the courses which I studied then carry on?
2. What exactly should be the main idea? Because in my first paragraph I've told that what problem does engineers face while they work in projects.
3. Thirdly you said that I haven't explained the programs I want to study in detail, I've categorically mentioned that I want to pursue Engineering Management, you think I should emphasize on it a bit more?
It is honestly very confusing, the scholarship deadline is 17th may and I've to prepare for my GRE as well :(
I'll check your essay too and give my feedback.
Any more insight which you can give I will be very thankful, also can you notice some grammatical mistakes? Let me know
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,004 3877
Bilal, in my honest opinion, your essay doesn't really respond to the question. The development of your essay response should rely heavily on problem resolution in your field of work because that is the reason why you want to study abroad. Based upon the shortcoming of your university studies and your perceived lack of skills to deal with specific problems in your chosen field / profession, you should be able to come up with a more solid study objective for the Fulbright scholarship. Right now, this is a long winded but uninformative essay. Focus solely on your profession and why you believe you require this additional training to become better at it. In order to hasten the development of your revised essay, you may base your new essay development on the information in paragraph 5 as the basis for your new opening statement and subsequent information in relation to your study goals.