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"but suddenly everything was changed, after the project's founder death " statement for chevening



marwa amer 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2014   #1
The main reason why I apply for the scholarship is to have a remarkable knowledge and experiences in a country which has been able to build one of the best quality media industries all over the world. The UK developed a media system distinguished by diversity, objectivity, creativity and independency.

That's why the UK is the destination for anyone working in media and willing to develop his skills and answer the most important question for journalists in the Third World: How to construct a new media environment based on independency in content, away from the political dynamics. With a special interest in understanding how to prosper in an industry undergoing constant fundamental change through learning the commercial, strategic and managerial skills by studying media management and creative entrepreneurship for media and communications .

By the end of 2011, I was lucky to join one of the biggest media institutions the British broadcast cooperation "BBC", It was a wake up call getting me to critically analyze the Egyptian media institutions and believes that they are desperately in need of reform, including the application of editorial and ethical guidelines especially after the 30th of June protests against the former Islamist president Mohamed Morsi.

In the time I was able to cover the events objectively without any interfering from my managers, I witnessed how the Egyptian media practices were polarized and the consequences of the partial editorial policies of different channels on the journalists' coverage.

All these circumstances led me to think about how to apply BBC's model on the Egyptian local media but I never felt it's impossible, so once I found the opportunity I resigned from BBC to establish a new local digital portal called "DOTMSR" with a group of intellectual journalists who were aiming to the same target.

Over 8 months we worked on the project, where I was fully able to apply the quality standards for a creative, informative and objective content.
Through my job as a video managing editor I established the video team which consisted of 15 Video Journalists, 4 presenters, 4 producers. We were aiming to be the first digital portal according to the international standards such as Huff post and the Guardian websites. We were the first Egyptian news website which owns studios to present online programs and news bulletins.

But the dream did not last for long as everything changed when the main founder of the project and the editor in chief passed away suddenly. The investors appointed a new editor in chief who did major changes in DOTMSR editorial guideline to be more close to the tabloid journalism seeking for high visibility.

The new situation compelled me to leave my job at DOTMSR, although I didn't have alternative jobs, but because I refuse to be part of editorial policies that I don't believe in them.

I am trying to turn back to my career track through pursuing a master degree in media management and creative entrepreneurship in the UK, to have the opportunity to develop my media management and creative skills. Where I would be able to establish my own media project

The experience I am looking for to gain at the UK also be one of the consideration factors for my future career; not only in my current institution, but also if there are better opportunities available to serve my country."

vangiespen - / 4077  
Nov 7, 2014   #2
- Marwa, I believe that you should rephrase this paragraph because you are telling the scholarship reviewers information that they already know about their organization's mission and vision. You should instead play up and develop the reasons why a third world journalist would seek a scholarship in a British institution for one year. Since one year seems like a limited time to complete a masters degree, you should fully discuss the intention you have and plans related to how you plan to successfully use that year long scholarship for your personal, academic, and social development. It is my opinion that you can actually skip this paragraph, hence the strike marks, and instead use the second paragraph as your introduction because it contains valuable information about you and the foundation of your media career that catches the eye of the reader.

- Creating a new paragraph that combines the information from these two lines creates an effective hook for the reader and immediately shows the kind of potential you have as a journalist. However, you need to develop it a bit more to show your leadership potential by explaining your role in the founding of "DOTMSR" since the Chevening scholarships are looking to fund the studies of future leaders in their fields of interest.

- This paragraph shows your ability to lead a team and offers an insight into your trait as a person of principle who will not stand for what you know to be wrong. Excellent addition to the essay. However, it weakens because of the problem with tenses that exist in the paper. You need to double check your paragraphs and make sure that you are discussing all of these events in past tense. Right now I see a mix of present and past tenses which as you know, cannot be done in any form of English writing.

The experience I am looking for to gain at the UK also be one of the consideration factors for my future career"

- Why do you have a quotation mark at the end of this paragraph? I do not see any starting quote anywhere. Rather than saying "The experience I am looking for to gain..." Give the reader a solid idea of what kind of experience you hope to get in the UK during your studies with an emphasis on why learning those things are important to you.

The essay also has a number of grammatical problems that need to be resolved. Since i am advising you to change certain aspects of the essay, those changes can be made later as the overall content of the paper is set to change and I would like to save you the bother of one grammar revision when I know that this is not yet the final form of this paper :-)


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