I am suitably qualified to apply this scholarship. Self introduction for a scholarship

- Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc.
- Your education and work experience, etc.,

Scholarship application essay

I accomplished my high school for three years, and graduated in 2018 from Cisarua High School. Since I was a student, I have joined the entrepreneur organization called SMANCIS Student Company, in the organization I conducted a research for innovation product to sell and joined entrepreneur national competition. We achieved first place for the best product called inokachi. Beside that, I have joined academic competions too, I was a part of Regency Physics Olympiad, Achieved third place for Regency English Debate Competion and I was a part of Province English Debate Competion. From what i have achieved, I have to learn more both academics and nonacademics to reach my goals and my dreams.

I have been working as a labor in SMANCIS Student Company. In this organization, i work at many sectors, such as baking, packing, and marketing. I worked at this school organization for a year. I have been working as an online seller and youtuber as well. I started an online seller when i was a third grade in high school. I sell stickers for social media, paid applications, paid musics etc. I'm being youtuber since third grade until now, I upload the contents every two-three weeks. I always improving the video from a simple video to a creative maker by using animation, sound effect, etc. I unify among the viewers needs, such as contents that i will make in the future. Consequently I have gained experience of how to selling, marketing and also making creative videos.These have then enabled me to see how my ideas and innovations have led me to desired results and made me suitably qualified to apply this scholarship.

Hope that I can help.

I accomplished completed my high school diploma/certificate at Cisarua High School (is it the full name of the school/college?) for three years, and graduated in 2018 from ... School. (High School occurred too frequently or repeated in such the short sentence which I would suggested to avoid and replaced with other wording or even rephrase it if possible. I guess you would like to tell someone that you finish your high school education on year 2018...)

Since I was a student, During my college time, I have joined the... In there, in the organization I conducted contributed to a research for developing and selling of an innovation product. to sell ... competition. That product awarded the We achieved first place for... inokachi in the entrepreneur national competition.

Beside those 'so call' amendments (yet I still have no idea if that would altered your ideas or meaning of your paragraph), may I suggested that you put related achievements into one paragraph, i.e. first paragraph for awards from school while another for those form the working place. Maybe another paragraph for your interest or to emphasize your strength (marketing skill / sense of innovation / etc).

Ninda, this is an insufficient response to the essay because you only focused your response on the second part of the prompt instructions. You are missing too much information regarding your personal background as required. It would be best for you to write a response to the first half of the essay and then merge that part with the existing second part. Once merged, you will be able to edit and revise your content in order to make the essay more flawless and integrated when the overall response is considered. Right now, you cannot use this essay due to the missing elements. The essay feels half done and also delivers only half the required information and not in a comprehensive manner. I strongly urge you to write a new, more comprehensive and concise essay that you can then edit for content.

For the second half, try to make your description of your work at SMANCIS clearer and stop repeating information. You information is all over the place and does not have a chronological presentation involved. It is difficult to follow and basically, makes the essay extremely confusing to read.