Why the University of Sidney became my first choice? (AAS Suporting Statemnet)

Guys I need your help to check my essay for AAS, I apply for Master Education ( TESOL), This is the first time I apply for scholarship.

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

English has become one of compulsory language that have to be learnt by children in Indonesia. English lessons have already started to learn since junior high school (where the year-earlier required prior to starting primary school). However, for about three years I taught English in formal and informal school, there are a lot of difficulties that is not only me but also other teachers face when teach English to the children, because English is not first language in Indonesia. Therefore, we should be more creative in teaching English so that they can understand English well and easily. Not only that, we as English teacher should learn even find the methods of teaching that is easily to be understood by children or English program that is easily to be followed.

Meanwhile Less over the last two years I have taught English as a foreign language in formal school, then I have to be able to deliver English lesson that is suitable with both of school or goverment curriculum, where the design of learning must be adjusted so that the learning targets be achieved without prejudice to the understanding of the child.

Therefore, I am very interested to learn more about TESOL. I chose the University of sidney to master's degree from the many universities in Australia because of the university offer or provide the unit study that I needed to learn, such as the development in teaching English, design for learning, methodology and languange teaching, literacy and language teaching, and many more which according to the latest research issues in this time.

"... also other teachers face when teach English ..."
I would like to revise this sentence: Not only I but also other teachers face a lot of difficulties when teaching English to Children.

we as English teacher should learn even ...
=> As a teacher of English, we should learn and even find sound methods of teaching that would facilitate learners' understanding.

Meanwhile Less over the last two years ...
=> I have been teaching English as a foreign language in a formal school for less than two years, I had to deliver English lessons carefully which could be suitable for both school programs and governmental curriculums which are designed and adjusted well enough to achieve certain learning targets without any mistakes.

Thanks a lot Mai Dao 😀

Kiki, you have to be more specific about the reasons you have chosen to pursue masters studies in TESOL in Australia. Right now, you are giving an analysis of the work that you have been doing. That is good but not really effective in explaining why you require further training, specifically in TESOL related areas. How will this line of study improve your professional skills? What abilities do you hope to improve as a teacher of English upon the completion of this course? You need to present a personal analysis of your abilities and shortcomings as an English teacher in order to truly explain the academic and professional goals of your study. With regards to your chosen institution, avoid making general statements such as, "And many more" because that makes the discussion sound highly trivial. Be factual and academic in wording, tone, and response at all times. Refer to specific training or classes that directly relate to an academic or professional goal instead. That will help to strengthen your choice of university far better than your current presentation.