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Help me correct my introduction for my speech class about myself

chopstix102 1 / -  
Aug 31, 2015   #1
Hello Everyone. My name is Hai Ho.
And today I'm going to do something that I've never done before is to standing in front of the crowded room and tell everyone in here a little bit about myself.

I come from Vietnam where I was born and grew up. This is my second year at Houston Community College and hopefully I will be able to transfer to the University of Houston next year to finish my Bachelors Degree in Accounting. As for my family, I have just one Sister and she is a registered nurse at Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital. My dad retired after being a workaholic for decades and now he just mopes around the house and helps my mom with the housework, and for my mother, she is currently running a nail salon.

I'm interested in many things such as music, playing games, and watching movies. I don't like horror movies or gore at all but I love The Walking Dead. It is really a character driven drama rather than a scary show. It has a lot of dramatic tension but not in a horror movie style.

And for my future, I'm personally interested in becoming an Animator & Graphic Designer. However, there are many different career opportunities that I like. I believe that a job should be like a hobby and enjoyable so you don't get stress out at work.

It takes a long time to study an animation course. It is very difficult and requires a tremendous amount of patience and hard work. I hope that I'll be able to meet these challenges, and that my dream will come true.

As for now, I'm only focusing my attention on enjoyment. I'm being my true self with the values, dreams and goals that I have.

I'm glad to be in this class because I really want to improve my English speaking skill. In the end I hope everyone has a wonderful semester.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 31, 2015   #2
I can help you with your first paragraph.

I think you should introduce yourself by stating, "I was born and raised in Vietnam." The next few sentences you could discuss your family. The next sentence would read: "I have one sister who is a registered nurse. My father is retired and my mother manages a nail salon."

Then continue with the sentence that describes how this is your second year at the community college. Delete andhopefully . Next, you could change the word order:" Next year, I would like to transfer to the University of Houston to finish my Bachelor's degree in Accounting.

These are simple changes you can make. As I was reading the next few paragraphs, I noticed that your degree would be different than what you are interested in. It would be interesting if you could explain why you switched to graphic design. Will you find a job in accounting or go to graduate school for graphic design? This is just a suggestion.

I hope this helps!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 1, 2015   #3
- As for myIn my family,...
- I have just one Sister...
- ...and she is a registered nurse at a Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital.
- ... andas for my mother,..

- I don't like horror movies or gorescary ones at all...

- And forWith regards to my future,...

- As forFor now,..
- I'm being my true to my self with the values,...

Well done!!! I hope my corrections help.
Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Sep 2, 2015   #4
Hello Hai Ho..

In my opinion you must get more attractive words, let me give some example

I born and grew up from wonderful country in Vietnam...

I have a Sister, and she take nurse academy at ....

And for my future , I have a dream to becoming..

Thanks, i hope this will help you.


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