Please review my essay and give me suggestions on how to improve it... I also think my last paragraph needs a little help...
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
As I look up into the bright sky, illuminated by the immense fire from the engines of the space shuttle, I realized I wanted to know everything about the great machine that glides through the emptiness of space. I desired to know how and what made this marvel go into such an unforgiving place. The knowledge of how to make a complex and wondrous space vehicle compels me. Holding my mother's hand and feeling the rumble of the ground beneath me while I watch alters my dreams. I have been a good student in math and science but that launch showed me what I can do with my skill. When I told my counselor about this experience, she told me engineering would be a perfect fit. Researching engineering made me realize that this was for me. The memory of how I felt and what I wanted to do with my life on my first space shuttle launch drives me to become an aerospace engineer major.
To be a successful student and be successful in a career, a person must have that drive that makes them go on in the toughest times. In my junior year of high school my mother lost her job. My super-hero mom finally had an "Achilles heel;" her happiness was in jeopardy at her job and she could not hide it from her boss. During her period of unemployment, even in desperation of getting hand-outs from family, my mother seemed happier. She was happier to not have to report to a job that she was not passionate about. I look back to the childhood memory of the night watching the space shuttle launch and realized I have passion to engage in what I want to do. Passion is what drives a person to pursue their aspirations. Having that "a-ha!" moment in my life gave me the desire to pursue a career in aerospace engineering.
Having a thirst for learning gives me an advantage in my studies. This thirst will not let me give up so easily or just say "forget it." My mentality of "no surrender" during my academic path of becoming an aerospace engineer will make me a beneficial contribution to the University of Florida campus. My passion for knowledge will make my college experience a great one by making my academic studies a pleasure; not a chore. The University of Florida is a snug fit for a person pursuing a career in engineering and for a person who holds academics in high regard.
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
As I look up into the bright sky, illuminated by the immense fire from the engines of the space shuttle, I realized I wanted to know everything about the great machine that glides through the emptiness of space. I desired to know how and what made this marvel go into such an unforgiving place. The knowledge of how to make a complex and wondrous space vehicle compels me. Holding my mother's hand and feeling the rumble of the ground beneath me while I watch alters my dreams. I have been a good student in math and science but that launch showed me what I can do with my skill. When I told my counselor about this experience, she told me engineering would be a perfect fit. Researching engineering made me realize that this was for me. The memory of how I felt and what I wanted to do with my life on my first space shuttle launch drives me to become an aerospace engineer major.
To be a successful student and be successful in a career, a person must have that drive that makes them go on in the toughest times. In my junior year of high school my mother lost her job. My super-hero mom finally had an "Achilles heel;" her happiness was in jeopardy at her job and she could not hide it from her boss. During her period of unemployment, even in desperation of getting hand-outs from family, my mother seemed happier. She was happier to not have to report to a job that she was not passionate about. I look back to the childhood memory of the night watching the space shuttle launch and realized I have passion to engage in what I want to do. Passion is what drives a person to pursue their aspirations. Having that "a-ha!" moment in my life gave me the desire to pursue a career in aerospace engineering.
Having a thirst for learning gives me an advantage in my studies. This thirst will not let me give up so easily or just say "forget it." My mentality of "no surrender" during my academic path of becoming an aerospace engineer will make me a beneficial contribution to the University of Florida campus. My passion for knowledge will make my college experience a great one by making my academic studies a pleasure; not a chore. The University of Florida is a snug fit for a person pursuing a career in engineering and for a person who holds academics in high regard.