academics and a rich culture + diverse community - Stanford

3. Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Stanford is like a home away from home. To the west, I will watch the Ocean and contemplate. Memories of times at the beaches will resurface life-changing experiences at the Philippines. As the sun sets, something in those memories will motivate me pass an idea . To the north, Palo Alto reminds me of Cagayan de Oro City. Like my home city, I believe Palo Alto will nurture my perspectives I've shared with my friends in America. Southeast, I wish to run through the hills of Lake Lagunita because it resembles the Iowa landscape that I have only watched through my car window. To the south, the Santa Cruz Mountain is reminiscent of the encompassing evergreens and natural moments I saw on my way to Yellowstone National park. The skyscrapers of New York could never even compare to the mountain's grandeur.

(I don't know how to transition here)
Stanford is home to faculty who are recognized in their fields of discipline. Nobel Prize and National Engineering award winners roam its hallways. I want to be one of those that constantly interact with these academic rock stars. With these types of educators a curious mind can grow into its full potential.

Living in Fort Dodge, Iowa for so many years, it would be a breath of fresh air to live in a diverse community. The temperature average is definitely higher and snow is not going to be a problem. I want to meet new people of other nationalities and cultures. Learning from other ethnic races can widen my perspective. Count me as an active participant in the diversity program of the school. I'm a minority and a multi color campus is a welcome atmosphere. The Pilipino American Student Union (PASU) is one group that I'm planning to join. Stanford perfectly represents my past environments that I will never forget. It is a retrospect that will relieve the stresses of college and nurture my learning for the future.

Other Essay (same topic)

Stanford provides a diverse community , an impressive academic reputation and a great location.
Stanford is home to faculty who are recognized in their fields of discipline. Nobel Prize and National Engineering award winners roam its hallways. I want to be one of those that constantly interact with these academic rock stars. With these types of educators a curious mind can grow into its full potential.

Living in Fort Dodge, Iowa for so many years, it would be a breath of fresh air to live in a diverse community. The temperature average is definitely higher and snow is not going to be a problem. I want to meet new people of other nationalities and cultures. Learning from other ethnic races can widen my perspective. Count me as an active participant in the diversity program of the school. I'm a minority and a multi color campus is a welcome atmosphere. The Pilipino American Student Union (PASU) is one group that I'm planning to join. It's like home away from home.

Stanford is also in the heart of the Silicon Valley allowing easy access to internships and exciting company partnerships. I will have the opportunity to use my knowledge by working on real world projects. This will help me in the future for job hunting

Alumni of Stanford include political giants, pioneers in technology and legends in sports. The father of internet is a graduate of Stanford. Yahoo, Cisco systems and HP founders are alumni of the school. My interest is into computer engineering. I think I am making the right choice by going to Stanford.

Can you pls choose one.

There are strengths and weaknesses to both your essays. I would recommend taking the best parts of each and combining both. Now, I have a couple of issues with both.

First, your sentenve structure is very similiar in that its not very complex. I would combine some sentences or add in better descriptive words to make it sound a little more sophisticated because, let's face it, it's Stanford :P

Second, your opening to both essays are fairly weak

"Stanford provides a diverse community, a splendid academic reputation, and smart choice of location."

and

"Stanford provides a diverse community , an impressive academic reputation and a great location."

are the same thing, with different adjectives :P It sounds rather like a textbook essay from a school paper. I like it because of one, two and three. This is why I like one, two and three. Restate topic sentence. Done. I would try to incorporate either a descriptive hook, if you can, or pick one quality of Stanford you especially like and talk about that and use that to lead into the other qualities.

Hope this helps!

I suggest you put some more of yourself into it. They know very well about their alums and their clubs. What could you contribute to it? What will you do once accepted? For example, instead of saying they have easy access to internships, say that you will intern for one of the numerous businesses located in the area. The first paragraph does that very well, but the second and third paragraphs start to detract from it, until the very last sentence.

Please return the favor :)