Hi, this is my personal statement essay.
I could really use some help modifying it
Looking back at my childhood, I never pictured myself where I am right now. Once I finished my 5th grade and entered one of the top secondary schools in Tehran, I was on my way to prepare myself for the university entrance exam that I had to take at the age of 18. But once I was about to finish my 7th grade, my parents told me that we are moving to Singapore. It wasn't easy for me at all, I was only 13 and I had to leave my school, friends and the future that I always planned for myself behind and enter another world. I didn't know how to speak English, how the people look like and how they are like. I started taking English classes after a month and continued with my Iranian school since my mother insisted that I should finish my secondary school before I join another school here. I was finally confident with English after 9 months when I joined Global Indian International School. Everything was then different for me, the language, students, teachers, food and every single detail. Before I start my 9th grade there, I thought I was perfect at English, but once I entered the classes, I realized that I had to say bye to whom I was before. I couldn't be the top student anymore, I knew how to communicate in English, but I certainly had no idea how to interpret Shakespeare and study sciences in English. It took me a long time to cope with the new system and find friends again. It's been almost 2 years since I have accepted English as my first language. I have been trying to put myself back there, to become who I used to be. I wish I had started a bit earlier, but my father always tells me that nothing is ever too late and I should never turn my back to the opportunities that come to me and living here has given me the opportunity to live a better life. I believe that the world that you live in, has the greatest impact on your personality and who you are going to be in the future. I have been in 2 completely different worlds, I left my hometown at the age of 13 and came to a place where nobody spoke my language and no one was familiar with my culture. There were times when I asked my father to send me back, but both my parents have been inspiring me by reminding me what kind of a person I used to be and I am one step ahead of other people around me since now I know how to adapt to a new place and find my way. Leaving Iran and moving to Singapore, did not sound pleasant to me on that time, but now I appreciate this incident since it made me mature and independent faster than what I always expected. You can never expect what universe has planned for you, one day my dream university is where everyone wishes to go in Iran, and in no time, I am dominant on another language and passionate to renew my experience and gain the greatest experiences by entering to the land of opportunities.
This is a run on sentence that I will fix with a semi-colon:
It wasn't easy for me at all; I was only 13 thirteen, and I had to leave behind my school, friends and the future that I always planned for myself behind and enter another world.
Before I start started my 9th grade there, I thought I was perfect at English, but once I entered the classes, I realized that I had to say bye to whom I was before. ---hahaha, I think you are perfect at English now!
Here is another run-on sentence:
I couldn't be the top student anymore. I knew how to
It is good to write the words instead of numbers: ...the age of 13 thirteen and came to a place ...
...person I used to be, a nd I am one step ahead of other people around me since now I know how to adapt to a new place and find my way.
Great job. I think you must have a talent for language. You have a great, flowing writing style.
But here is one very difficult sentence to read:
You can never expect what universe has planned for you. One day my dream university is where everyone wishes to go in Iran, and in no time, I am dominant on another language and passionate to renew my experience and gain the greatest experiences by entering to the land of opportunities.--------I think you should simplify this sentence and maybe divide it into 2 sentences.
:-)
