Hey guys first time here!
Anything and everything is welcome. (though I think I might appreciate it more if it was helpful :) Look for run-ons/fragments because I write like I talk and that can be a nightmare at times. There are two essays so comment on either or both.
THANKS IN ADVANCE.
Prompt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
As I awake and look at the clock that will undoubtedly read somewhere between two and five A.M., I groan about the test that I am sure to have in a couple of hours and wonder if I should invest in a set of earplugs. I have awoken because my grandma has had a nightmare, or has somehow left her bedroom without her walker, or has fallen out of her bed. My bedroom is directly above hers and I am lucky enough to be able to hear everything that goes on her room.
My grandmother, Florence, suffers from dementia. She lives with me and my family and our relationship is one the many factors that has influenced my continued interest in biology. I can not think of anything that would distinguish our relationship from any other grandson-grandmother relationship; it consisted of copious amounts of doting on her part and an unrelenting acceptance of it on mine. While waking up in the middle of the night to appease my grandmother's manifestations of dementia is rarely what one would call fun, I have come to realize the recent role reversal is something I enjoy. I enjoy the fact that I, literally, can have a direct and positive impact on another person's life and quite frankly, it is instant-gratification that I have no qualms in indulging in. But alleviating whatever trouble my Grandma gets herself into is not the reason that I consider myself considerate. I think myself to be considerate because the feeling I get when I am not is not only unsettling but palpably unnatural. However embarrassing it is to admit, I was that kid getting awkwardly drunk at parties and who the popular crowd had a keen eye for spotting as not belonging. This feeling was pervasive throughout high school and my early college career and can be witnessed in my grades at that time. The fact that my mom was working nearly 60 hour work weeks to send me to a private high school or the fact that my little brother was beginning to imitate what I now imagine the quintessential high school punk, did not phase my actions and this insistence of doing what I knew to be wrong plagued my relationships and academics. Since childhood I have felt compelled to think of how my actions or lack there of, will affect other people and when I don't act accordingly, I know immediately that I am acting against my natural inclinations. So, I like to think I'm a considerate person. But beyond the superficiality of helping old ladies across the street and picking up trash in a park, or whatever cheap ploy a blockbuster film might use to convey the vague notion that consideration might be, lies a quality that I feel the world reveres. Somehow the thoughts and actions that revolve around how they will affect other people tend to be the most influential, and for that reason, I over the last couple of years have developed a sense of pride knowing this quality is not something to be abated. I have realized my imposition to think of and help others before myself affects not only my immediate relationships, but also has the ability to dramatically impact the community I immerse myself in and beyond.
For this next prompt I used the essay I wrote when I applied to Cornell earlier this year(Obviously I didn't get in) The prompt for their essay was: Tell us what you'd like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Tell me if it does or doesn't work
Prompt 1: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement. *
Can I see your blood? No? Well, no hard feelings. As a child, I quickly realized that people didn't show you their blood very often even when you asked them nicely. But as I look back on my childhood and uncouth icebreaker, I think the response I was looking for was more than just a yes or no answer, as I never felt discouraged by the countless refusals I received. I think what I was looking for was a validation that other people were like me, and I think I wanted to see that regardless of how different or alien I felt in my naive, self-centered, five year old existence, that I shared a commonality with every other human being I encountered. Despite so many differences among personality, appearance, or socioeconomic status, we in fact are all the same. Unfortunately, this realization doesn't happen in the mind of a five year old with an offbeat fetish for blood, but it does in the mind of a twenty year old who can think of two specific events that influenced his decision to apply the University of California as a Human Biology major. Human biology is one of the few undying interests that I've had since I was a child. When I was a kid I remember feeling a little cheated every Christmas because while all of my brothers, cousins, and friends were getting shiny remote control cars, or new video games, I consistently received two things: Guinness World Record books and picture-filled anatomy books. While I loved every book, I was in middle school and it was not very cool to get books for Christmas, especially informational books that you enjoyed. So, while biology has been at the forefront of my interests, the manifestation of this interest hasn't always been apparent academically. I had always been content with reading my picture-laden dictionaries, being fascinated with what I was reading, and then going on with daily life. This interest didn't go unnoticed by my mom however, and she quickly became a subtle force in facilitating my early affinity toward biology. The bridges between youthful curiosity and the confines of school don't always line up though and it took recent events to help me realize that my curiosity has the potential to be so much more. Last summer I had the opportunity to participate in a six week internship under a Queens-based cardiologist. I initially pursued this opportunity because it offered new experiences; a summer in New York and the experience of working with a profession I had always admired. My original reasons for going were quickly superseded by a hint of reality when I began interacting with real people with real problems. While there, I spoke with a gentleman about my father's age who had previously gone in for a "routine" checkup, gotten the "Ok," and who experienced a heart attack three days later. Ignoring the fact that hearing this made me deeply consider how irreplaceable our time is, this event made me realize that biology alone is insufficient in the explanation and solution of a problem and that the tangibility of someone sitting in front of me with a problem was all I needed to want to fix that problem. The medical field happens to be an avenue where my curiosity can manifest itself and so while there I thought, "Hey, this is me, I could do this. I want to do this." With this in hand, I headed to Los Angeles two days after ending my internship for a five day seminar that would ultimately align some of the various philosophies and interests that the 20 years prior had accumulated. Although I initially thought it would be a poor investment, the seminar titled, Leadership Excellence Accelerating Potential, happened to show me that I had the potential to do this and literally, whatever I like. So, while my fascination has been occasionally derailed it has never ceased to exist, and as I get older I continue to discover that my innate curiosity of biology aligned with my natural inclinations towards helping people, has the potential to dramatically impact the lives of others.
If I use the second essay as is I am at 1228 for the two essays (ie substantially above the limit), so tell me where you think I can cut it down.
Anything and everything is welcome. (though I think I might appreciate it more if it was helpful :) Look for run-ons/fragments because I write like I talk and that can be a nightmare at times. There are two essays so comment on either or both.
THANKS IN ADVANCE.
Prompt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
As I awake and look at the clock that will undoubtedly read somewhere between two and five A.M., I groan about the test that I am sure to have in a couple of hours and wonder if I should invest in a set of earplugs. I have awoken because my grandma has had a nightmare, or has somehow left her bedroom without her walker, or has fallen out of her bed. My bedroom is directly above hers and I am lucky enough to be able to hear everything that goes on her room.
My grandmother, Florence, suffers from dementia. She lives with me and my family and our relationship is one the many factors that has influenced my continued interest in biology. I can not think of anything that would distinguish our relationship from any other grandson-grandmother relationship; it consisted of copious amounts of doting on her part and an unrelenting acceptance of it on mine. While waking up in the middle of the night to appease my grandmother's manifestations of dementia is rarely what one would call fun, I have come to realize the recent role reversal is something I enjoy. I enjoy the fact that I, literally, can have a direct and positive impact on another person's life and quite frankly, it is instant-gratification that I have no qualms in indulging in. But alleviating whatever trouble my Grandma gets herself into is not the reason that I consider myself considerate. I think myself to be considerate because the feeling I get when I am not is not only unsettling but palpably unnatural. However embarrassing it is to admit, I was that kid getting awkwardly drunk at parties and who the popular crowd had a keen eye for spotting as not belonging. This feeling was pervasive throughout high school and my early college career and can be witnessed in my grades at that time. The fact that my mom was working nearly 60 hour work weeks to send me to a private high school or the fact that my little brother was beginning to imitate what I now imagine the quintessential high school punk, did not phase my actions and this insistence of doing what I knew to be wrong plagued my relationships and academics. Since childhood I have felt compelled to think of how my actions or lack there of, will affect other people and when I don't act accordingly, I know immediately that I am acting against my natural inclinations. So, I like to think I'm a considerate person. But beyond the superficiality of helping old ladies across the street and picking up trash in a park, or whatever cheap ploy a blockbuster film might use to convey the vague notion that consideration might be, lies a quality that I feel the world reveres. Somehow the thoughts and actions that revolve around how they will affect other people tend to be the most influential, and for that reason, I over the last couple of years have developed a sense of pride knowing this quality is not something to be abated. I have realized my imposition to think of and help others before myself affects not only my immediate relationships, but also has the ability to dramatically impact the community I immerse myself in and beyond.
For this next prompt I used the essay I wrote when I applied to Cornell earlier this year(Obviously I didn't get in) The prompt for their essay was: Tell us what you'd like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests. Tell me if it does or doesn't work
Prompt 1: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement. *
Can I see your blood? No? Well, no hard feelings. As a child, I quickly realized that people didn't show you their blood very often even when you asked them nicely. But as I look back on my childhood and uncouth icebreaker, I think the response I was looking for was more than just a yes or no answer, as I never felt discouraged by the countless refusals I received. I think what I was looking for was a validation that other people were like me, and I think I wanted to see that regardless of how different or alien I felt in my naive, self-centered, five year old existence, that I shared a commonality with every other human being I encountered. Despite so many differences among personality, appearance, or socioeconomic status, we in fact are all the same. Unfortunately, this realization doesn't happen in the mind of a five year old with an offbeat fetish for blood, but it does in the mind of a twenty year old who can think of two specific events that influenced his decision to apply the University of California as a Human Biology major. Human biology is one of the few undying interests that I've had since I was a child. When I was a kid I remember feeling a little cheated every Christmas because while all of my brothers, cousins, and friends were getting shiny remote control cars, or new video games, I consistently received two things: Guinness World Record books and picture-filled anatomy books. While I loved every book, I was in middle school and it was not very cool to get books for Christmas, especially informational books that you enjoyed. So, while biology has been at the forefront of my interests, the manifestation of this interest hasn't always been apparent academically. I had always been content with reading my picture-laden dictionaries, being fascinated with what I was reading, and then going on with daily life. This interest didn't go unnoticed by my mom however, and she quickly became a subtle force in facilitating my early affinity toward biology. The bridges between youthful curiosity and the confines of school don't always line up though and it took recent events to help me realize that my curiosity has the potential to be so much more. Last summer I had the opportunity to participate in a six week internship under a Queens-based cardiologist. I initially pursued this opportunity because it offered new experiences; a summer in New York and the experience of working with a profession I had always admired. My original reasons for going were quickly superseded by a hint of reality when I began interacting with real people with real problems. While there, I spoke with a gentleman about my father's age who had previously gone in for a "routine" checkup, gotten the "Ok," and who experienced a heart attack three days later. Ignoring the fact that hearing this made me deeply consider how irreplaceable our time is, this event made me realize that biology alone is insufficient in the explanation and solution of a problem and that the tangibility of someone sitting in front of me with a problem was all I needed to want to fix that problem. The medical field happens to be an avenue where my curiosity can manifest itself and so while there I thought, "Hey, this is me, I could do this. I want to do this." With this in hand, I headed to Los Angeles two days after ending my internship for a five day seminar that would ultimately align some of the various philosophies and interests that the 20 years prior had accumulated. Although I initially thought it would be a poor investment, the seminar titled, Leadership Excellence Accelerating Potential, happened to show me that I had the potential to do this and literally, whatever I like. So, while my fascination has been occasionally derailed it has never ceased to exist, and as I get older I continue to discover that my innate curiosity of biology aligned with my natural inclinations towards helping people, has the potential to dramatically impact the lives of others.
If I use the second essay as is I am at 1228 for the two essays (ie substantially above the limit), so tell me where you think I can cut it down.
