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Adopt a Grandparent-- Common App Extracirricular Activity



rebrose 8 / 19  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
I chose to expand on my adopt a grandparent volunteering. At the end of the essay I want to put a different word other than "appreciated" but I can't think of anything. I would like some feedback on grammar and content. Don't be afraid to be harsh.

I have always been a little frightened by nursing homes and their inhabitants; they remind me of visits to made to my grandmother as Alzheimer's ravaged her mind. So it is not hard to imagine my anxiety when it was announced that, for a class project, we would be receiving an adopted grandparent. My primary concern was whether my grandparent, Bernadette, would ever be able to remember me. But as soon as I met Bernadette my apprehensions were put to rest. At eighty-one, Bernadette is lucid, cheerful, and spunky, and nothing like I expected. We connected instantly and came to share visits full of laughter and conversation. Soon my visits were no longer an assignment because being with Bernadette was like being with an older, and wiser, friend. Bernadette helped me to see that the elderly, although their bodies are worn by time, are not to be feared but appreciated.

150 words

Carban93 2 / 5  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
It is a great essay overall, however I would just add to the beginning some of the scary things or bad things that happened when you went to visit your grandmother like her not knowing who you are.
whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
I like it a lot. maybe 'embraced' could be a better word?

Also, if you wanted to cut words to fit in more detail as carban93 said maybe you can write your first sentence less passively..
OP rebrose 8 / 19  
Dec 24, 2010   #4
Thanks a lot for the advice :)


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