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Amherst Supplementary Essay: stereotyped beliefs; power to dictate who you are



ivyaspirer 3 / 4  
Jul 8, 2014   #1
Please respond to one of the following quotations in an essay of not more than 300 words. It is not necessary to research, read, or refer to the texts from which these quotations are taken; we are looking for original, personal responses to these short excerpts. Remember that your essay should be personal in nature and not simply an argumentative essay.

"Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior."
Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College. From her book Men and Women in Interaction, Reconsidering the Difference.

My response:

Others' beliefs have the power to dictate who you are.
Being a homosexual in a country of strict Confucius ideals and conservative traditions, I fully understand what this implies.
Long before I became aware of my sexuality, thanks to the stereotype held by the society, I had come to know the homosexuals as 'perverts' and 'pedophiles', who raped and recruited children by turning them gay, and to whom relationships were just pure sex, for no love can bud between two men.

I grew up to such beliefs and was terrified when I gradually learned that I was gay and someday I, too, would become a pervert. I tried to deny and conceal this 'gayness', hoping, by suppressing myself, to steer away from the ghastly fate that I was unfortunately born with.

Nevertheless, as I mature, understanding more about myself and my society, it occurs to me that homosexuals are left with little choice.
I do not condone the repulsive acts of some but I can't help but ask myself: how can they hope to find love, when their own society denies its very existence? What option do they have but to become criminals when those around them have already considered them as such just for being themselves? What can they possibly do when they've grown up seeing their bleak future has already been created for them by their stereotypical society? Because when one don't have the power to alter how the world sees them, they might easily surrender to those stereotypes, letting them become the self-fulfilling prophesies for their actions. They stop trying to prove themselves because their faith and will are crushed by the gruesome and conservative opinions being imposed on them.

But I believe that the future holds more for me and many others than just hollowness those stereotypes assume. I have faith in the happiness that I, just like everyone else, deserve to have.

So I'm breaking away to prove my worth and to live true to who I am. And hopefully one day my efforts, together with others', might change the way we are perceived.

It is still a draft and I'm 49 words over the limit of 300. Hope you guys can tell me how you think of the essay and cut it down if possible.

Thank you.

Ulaai 3 / 42  
Jul 13, 2014   #2
Hi ivyaspirer,

In my personal opinion, you're being too direct here. Instead of instantly stating out-of-nowhere that you're a homosexual, you can start by describing where do you live or how the society around you behave. To be honest, I don't have a clear image of what is "Confucius ideals", let alone what country it is and the society that lives in it. To make it clearer to the readers, especially to the admission officers, I think you ought to explain more about this and spend more words in explaining the stereotyped beliefs. For example, how do your friends, or your parents, see this issue (of homosexuals)? Start from a wider range then narrow it to people that are closer to you.

Also, it may be also good to write some people who are supportive to you and keeps you motivated, despite of the society's harsh standards. Do you have a role model or good best friend that's always accompany you through hardships?

You can also list your personal goals and/or dreams to show the readers that you have will to achieve something great.

In the end, you may add some motivational quotes about how important it is to stay true to yourself and such...

That's it from me, hope it helps. :)


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