Greetings, Below is the draft of my common app essay.I would love it if you give me your honest comments on it. Since the word limit is 650 please help me trimming it up. Plus Do you think the essay fits with the prompt?
Thanks
It was during the long and joyful vacation after graduation. Though we seemed laidback, it was obvious that we were apprehensive about our exam results which would be out in the following days. At last, the day we all waited for, though it delayed, came. I felt like every fiber of my being was vibrating with anticipation. Logging into my account took century or it seemed so. But finally I saw my scores; my heart sank. Laughing that stemmed from extreme shock and disbelief, was the best I could do in reaction.It said I got failing scores but I felt so sure that either the score wasn't mine or the agency did something wrong marking my sheet. Hoping that the National Examinations Agency ,which administered these senior grade leaving examinations, would accept my complaints , I rushed to the headquarters.What the authorities there told me annhilated my hopes. The frustration tortured my soul; nothing could get through them. Vehemently, they avered that their methods weren't susceptible to such mistakes and even ordered me to fully accept those result, no transparency and no verification.
All those circumstances didn't stop me from tenaciously knocking the gates of the agency . Ofcourse sneers and mockings of the people there hurt my feelings, but I was determined that anything I had to face would be worth it if i could get my scores corrected.But the day when I was branded the name "Idiot" and forced to leave by security personnel like an intruder was my breaking point. Burning rage hissed through my body like a deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. The wrath consumed me, engulfing my moralities. But the fact that I couldn't do anything turned that burning rage right back at me. I was burnt to hopelessness , losing meaning in life. I felt like the world was slowly disappearing in front of me,or may be it was me who was fading away. Nothing mattered to me at those times. Because my empty burning lungs and my heart hitting my chest so hard i thought It would break my ribs were the only thing I could think about. I felt the void, the black hole deep inside my soul swallowing all my hopes and dreams.
I spent several days at home in that state. But as time went by, I began to feel like nothing happened. Experiencing this emotional breakdown temporarily made me numb to any other situations. But I never stopped thinking about it ; the more I thought about it, the more I learnt. I realized failures were one of the faces of life; They were the ones that spice it up and make it dynamic. I understood that my ultimate purpose wasn't solely passing that exam. I knew It was far beyond that. With so much ahead of me to live for and so many other chances waiting for me to grab them, I told myself that I shouldn't lose hope. Finally, what I came into conclusion was in order for me to heal altogether, I should remove any feeling of hatred I felt towards those authorities. Putting the blame on someone wouldn't help me , rather it would create venegeful or unhealthy feeling inside me, I thought. So I forgave them. Eventhough it took time, my self-therapy,with the help of god, became successful. The new me ,energetic and hopeful young man, began to blossom again.
Meanwhile, my high school had appealed to the agency to solve my case. Surprisingly, this appeal managed to get through those adamant authorities and so score verification ensued. I was over the moon when I heard the news that my score was corrected and I passed. Though it happened so late, It was still hysterical. What's more, my score was the highest in the national level.
I became completely astounded by how those past weeks had been for me. The experience of those all completely different sets emotions was unique . I came to realization that a man's soul needs Hope to live , as his body needs air to live; The minute he lost hope is the minute he is dead.AS ---------- says.
Thanks
The Appeal
It was during the long and joyful vacation after graduation. Though we seemed laidback, it was obvious that we were apprehensive about our exam results which would be out in the following days. At last, the day we all waited for, though it delayed, came. I felt like every fiber of my being was vibrating with anticipation. Logging into my account took century or it seemed so. But finally I saw my scores; my heart sank. Laughing that stemmed from extreme shock and disbelief, was the best I could do in reaction.It said I got failing scores but I felt so sure that either the score wasn't mine or the agency did something wrong marking my sheet. Hoping that the National Examinations Agency ,which administered these senior grade leaving examinations, would accept my complaints , I rushed to the headquarters.What the authorities there told me annhilated my hopes. The frustration tortured my soul; nothing could get through them. Vehemently, they avered that their methods weren't susceptible to such mistakes and even ordered me to fully accept those result, no transparency and no verification.
All those circumstances didn't stop me from tenaciously knocking the gates of the agency . Ofcourse sneers and mockings of the people there hurt my feelings, but I was determined that anything I had to face would be worth it if i could get my scores corrected.But the day when I was branded the name "Idiot" and forced to leave by security personnel like an intruder was my breaking point. Burning rage hissed through my body like a deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. The wrath consumed me, engulfing my moralities. But the fact that I couldn't do anything turned that burning rage right back at me. I was burnt to hopelessness , losing meaning in life. I felt like the world was slowly disappearing in front of me,or may be it was me who was fading away. Nothing mattered to me at those times. Because my empty burning lungs and my heart hitting my chest so hard i thought It would break my ribs were the only thing I could think about. I felt the void, the black hole deep inside my soul swallowing all my hopes and dreams.
I spent several days at home in that state. But as time went by, I began to feel like nothing happened. Experiencing this emotional breakdown temporarily made me numb to any other situations. But I never stopped thinking about it ; the more I thought about it, the more I learnt. I realized failures were one of the faces of life; They were the ones that spice it up and make it dynamic. I understood that my ultimate purpose wasn't solely passing that exam. I knew It was far beyond that. With so much ahead of me to live for and so many other chances waiting for me to grab them, I told myself that I shouldn't lose hope. Finally, what I came into conclusion was in order for me to heal altogether, I should remove any feeling of hatred I felt towards those authorities. Putting the blame on someone wouldn't help me , rather it would create venegeful or unhealthy feeling inside me, I thought. So I forgave them. Eventhough it took time, my self-therapy,with the help of god, became successful. The new me ,energetic and hopeful young man, began to blossom again.
Meanwhile, my high school had appealed to the agency to solve my case. Surprisingly, this appeal managed to get through those adamant authorities and so score verification ensued. I was over the moon when I heard the news that my score was corrected and I passed. Though it happened so late, It was still hysterical. What's more, my score was the highest in the national level.
I became completely astounded by how those past weeks had been for me. The experience of those all completely different sets emotions was unique . I came to realization that a man's soul needs Hope to live , as his body needs air to live; The minute he lost hope is the minute he is dead.AS ---------- says.