hey everyone. this is one of the few application essays i've written. can you take a look at it and provide me with feedback? This is slightly light and fun than my other essays. I need feedback to choose the best one. note that this is exceeding the word limit, so if you could also help me with that, it would be great :D
The apple incident
As I stood on my seat, I could see all the eyes that were judging me for the misdemeanor I had conducted. The teachers were looking at me with disdain. "Why are they all looking at only me?", I thought and looked beside me and to my dissappointment , my friend was still in her seat.
The incident took place when I was in my sophomore year in high school. We really wanted to attend a singing competition that was being held in our school but because of the big size of the student body in our school, only half of us were taken to see the competition. My friends planned to sneak out of class to watch it but I was very sure that if we just asked the teachers to let us go, they would. I was wrong. Not only did they turn us down, they accompanied us to our class so that we would not sneak away. All my friends were furious at me for having suggested that we ask the teachers.
With glum, we sat in class and attended the boring lecture with all of our attention to the little bit of what could be heard of the singing competition that took place more than a 100 feet away. My best friend, who sat next to me was the most angry. I was trying to calm her down while pretending to be listening to the lecture when she suddenly found a half bitten apple and threw it across class rather impulsively. To make matters worse, it flew and landed right on the shoulder of the teacher.
We were both terrified. I knew that is not where she aimed her throw, but who would believe us? In a matter of minutes, our class teacher was in the class with the lecturer and they were interrogating us. "Who did this?", they would ask with scorn in their voices and no one would respond. I whispered to my friends that she should stand up and nothing would happen but she already knew where my suggestions had taken her before. The lecturer threatened us stating that if someone does not own up, he would never teach us again. My friend then made me an offer. She asked me to stand up with her. I knew she was scared and could never do it alone, so I agreed. We agreed to count to 3 and stand up at once. 1, 2, 3... I was up. She was not. After taking a moment to realize what I had done, I looked at her and with a sense of guilt, she stood up. We were taken to the teacher's lounge and threatened to be suspended without anyone even hearing our story. "Suspension", a teacher would call, "restigation" the other would improvise. After some time my friend took the blame on herself and the matter was resolved only by having a talk with our parents.
Many know of this story in my school now. Many respond to it by calling me foolish for taking the blame for something I had not done. Teachers mostly would say that its nice to be faithful to your friends but it is not good to support them in wrong doing. But what they do not understand is, I was not just being loyal to a friend. I was doing the right thing. If I had refused to stand up with her, she would not have stood up at all, which would have made the whole class suffer. I was doing the right thing because I was making someone admit the truth. If I had refused, the she would never have owned up to it. If I complained about her, she could have easily refused. What I did is make her act truthful. People can think otherwise of my act, but I do not mind being characterized negatively as long as I know what I am doing is right.
The apple incident
As I stood on my seat, I could see all the eyes that were judging me for the misdemeanor I had conducted. The teachers were looking at me with disdain. "Why are they all looking at only me?", I thought and looked beside me and to my dissappointment , my friend was still in her seat.
The incident took place when I was in my sophomore year in high school. We really wanted to attend a singing competition that was being held in our school but because of the big size of the student body in our school, only half of us were taken to see the competition. My friends planned to sneak out of class to watch it but I was very sure that if we just asked the teachers to let us go, they would. I was wrong. Not only did they turn us down, they accompanied us to our class so that we would not sneak away. All my friends were furious at me for having suggested that we ask the teachers.
With glum, we sat in class and attended the boring lecture with all of our attention to the little bit of what could be heard of the singing competition that took place more than a 100 feet away. My best friend, who sat next to me was the most angry. I was trying to calm her down while pretending to be listening to the lecture when she suddenly found a half bitten apple and threw it across class rather impulsively. To make matters worse, it flew and landed right on the shoulder of the teacher.
We were both terrified. I knew that is not where she aimed her throw, but who would believe us? In a matter of minutes, our class teacher was in the class with the lecturer and they were interrogating us. "Who did this?", they would ask with scorn in their voices and no one would respond. I whispered to my friends that she should stand up and nothing would happen but she already knew where my suggestions had taken her before. The lecturer threatened us stating that if someone does not own up, he would never teach us again. My friend then made me an offer. She asked me to stand up with her. I knew she was scared and could never do it alone, so I agreed. We agreed to count to 3 and stand up at once. 1, 2, 3... I was up. She was not. After taking a moment to realize what I had done, I looked at her and with a sense of guilt, she stood up. We were taken to the teacher's lounge and threatened to be suspended without anyone even hearing our story. "Suspension", a teacher would call, "restigation" the other would improvise. After some time my friend took the blame on herself and the matter was resolved only by having a talk with our parents.
Many know of this story in my school now. Many respond to it by calling me foolish for taking the blame for something I had not done. Teachers mostly would say that its nice to be faithful to your friends but it is not good to support them in wrong doing. But what they do not understand is, I was not just being loyal to a friend. I was doing the right thing. If I had refused to stand up with her, she would not have stood up at all, which would have made the whole class suffer. I was doing the right thing because I was making someone admit the truth. If I had refused, the she would never have owned up to it. If I complained about her, she could have easily refused. What I did is make her act truthful. People can think otherwise of my act, but I do not mind being characterized negatively as long as I know what I am doing is right.