I'm applying a student transfer from Mexico to Austin. I will truly appreciate any feedback, grammar or spelling corrections. Right now I'm wondering if I should talk more about the school but I'm not sure.
The instructions given were these:
'The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.'
Pursuing Growth
I did not want to study in the United States. I was certain I wanted to go to college in Mexico.
I arrived in Guadalajara as naive, inexperienced person. I was looking forward to be alone in a city I have never been before, because I was eager to get out of my comfort zone and do something completely different with my life. I welcomed the emotional challenge ahead of me and loved every single minute.
My new school was very different from my hometown; it was definitely a bigger challenge than I was prepared for; the standards were much higher, I had to study harder to earn a good grade, but I felt like I was taking more knowledge than my previous school.
It was important to do something that interested me outside school, and for years I supported Greenpeace and I was given the chance to work as a promoter; my main duty was to invite people to join the organization through a donation. That was my first job and it's safe to say it was my most rewarding experience in Guadalajara. Not only did I accomplish a dream but also I met people who taught me so much, who took me in as a friend and helped me make the city a home. I look up to them, for their independence, confidence, intelligence, maturity and sense of humor. Even though we have a few years in between, they treated me as an equal which gave me the confidence to be my true self around them. I will forever be thankful for every moment we shared together.
Unfortunately, I had to quit because the work load from my school started to take a toll on me. As time passed I realized school was not fulfilling my expectations, because my personal views did not match the ones I was being taught. This made me lose motivation, I tried to get involved in other activities, but it was not working. I started reviewing my options and I set a new goal for myself: leave Guadalajara to move to Austin, Texas.
I do not regret going to Guadalajara because I learned. Learned to be by myself, to appreciate all the opportunities my parents gave me, to love my major, to see life from another perspective and most importantly, I decided what I wanted to do with my life; I want to be a concert promoter.
Live music is my passion; it has been since I was 16 when my dad took me to see my favorite band. There is nothing I love more than to experience the music I listen to everyday played in front of me, it brings me so much happiness and I want to be able to give that to people. I know living in Austin will get me closer to that goal and I am willing to work hard to achieve it.
I am glad I got experience Guadalajara, because now I realize I went there to grow as person, now I want to go to Austin to grow as a professional.
I did not want to study in the United States. I was certain I wanted to go to college in Mexico.
Why do you leave this alone? I feel you can include this in the next para. Or at least do not leav a blank line between them.
I was looking forward to being alone in a city I have never been before, because I was eager to get out of my comfort zone and do something completely different with my life.
My new school was very different from my hometown;
My new school was very different from the one in my hometown.I had to study harder to earn a good grades , but I felt like I was taking more knowledge than my previous school.
...., but I began to feel my speedy progress in terms of knowledge and exposure.That was my first job andit's safe to say it was my most rewarding experience in Guadalajara.
Why do you say "it's safe to say?" ... It sounds puzzling to me!
